lineline's hideaway

Personal

2009-06-30T07:18:00.000-07:00

I don't know why but I had a sudden urge to blog.

I wonder if there's even anyone reading this pathetic blog. Well I don't care if there is or not. I realise everytime I have something really personal or critical, I don't blog about it. Because I think it's too personal - duh? As for being critical, that's because people judge. I don't deny being one of those annoying people who read others' blogs annonymously (I don't even know many of them personally) and have many remarks appearing in my head. But heck, that's how life works rite? We judge one another when we don't actually know them. So fuck it, I shall just express whatever I want here, if I feel like it.

Now that I've decided to do that, there are so many issues in my mind I don't know where to start from.

Maybe I should just start with something on my mind. Restrictions. It's been on my mind for soooooo long. It's like an old friend. Since a certain some time ago, I started to wonder. I started to know, what kind of a person I may be like and what I wanted to experience. I started to want. I gather I want to be someone with a happening life. Happening not in the conventional way but rather, someone to live a life that others would be envious about. You know, how we always go "I hate people who get scholarships" or "I hate people who are good in math and science." But deep down we actually have this feeling of envy? Yes, I want to break out from that. I want to be able to really say "Hey I suck at math but SO WHAT?" or "I love CSC and CLL but I'm just really too lazy to pick up the books to mug for exams." I want to be truthful to myself. I want to be able to fail with pride. But pride...that is a difficult word. I used to be able to fail every math test and laugh it off. Now, I try to talk about it as light heartedly as possible too - but it's more of a barrier. To avoid the awkward feel. To know that others are much better than you and that you want to pretend you are actually prefectly alright with that.

As much as I hate to admit it, I'm still stuck in the boundaries/restrictions of so many things. Results. The general consensus that grades matter. Pride. The feeling of knowing you would lose out to others when you actually don't want to. But it's not that I mind, if only the society didn't mind.

And thus I fall into a cycle. And it shapes who I become today. Feeling restricted all over. The invisible barrier between who I appear to be and who I really am. What I want/like to do and what I actually do. I am awfully and painfully aware of the fact that who I am today is not who I actually meant to be. I'm not someone who disapproves. I'm not someone who studies. I'm not someone who can't have fun.

Of course it's not that I'm not who I am at all today. But I wanna tear the walls down. I want to be me. And don't freaking tell me it is easy/possible because it isn't. I've been trying, and I'm still trying.

Trust me, it isn't easy.

2009-06-11T21:09:00.000-07:00

It's been a long time since I blogged, once again.

Been soul searching these days. Alot. Wonderng about many things..

Was out to study with peiying for the past two days. I guess whenever we talk, we talk about issues that bother us. And it always makes me ponder about so many things...about myself.

Ming Chuen thinks I'm emo. But I don't think so. Then again, part of it is probably true. But only in certain aspects..

=======

我的心，是封闭的。

我可能比我想象中还骄傲。

哭泣，我很难做到。

快乐，我不是不愿意接受，只是一直不在我身边。

我不是个难搞的人。

内心真正的感受，没几个人知道。

我好想吃冰淇淋。

我是女生。

坚强了点。

....了解了吗？

Mood indicator

2009-04-24T19:02:00.000-07:00

Ponned yesterday. Felt that I really needed a good, long sleep. The weather isn't helping either, my nose and eyes have been really sensitive and they keep leaking non-stop. So yes, I did feel a teeny weeny bit unwell.

Anyway, I've been thinking alot about human behavior these days.

Always wondered why I haven't been able to let go of the pressure within myself. Discussed about this topic for the longest time yet with some of my friends and classmates and I guess I am making some kind of improvement by hecking about certain things already. Like ponning school and dragging homework deadlines, although I guess many would say that I'm still quite..'pia' in a sense.

Let's move away from the usual boring topic of myself to something more interesting.

I popped a question to Ms Lee, our econs tutor on Tuesday. Asked her why she wears heels to school everyday. I know she is around every time I hear her heels clanking as she takes every step. The sound is distinct, yes, but it reminds me of how painful my feet are everytime I attempt to wear heels. She said it doesn't hurt for her but interestingly enough, she pointed out that shoes were an indicator of her mood. She wears flats when she isn't feeling that great and heels when her mood is better. Of course, my mind wasn't set on that topic as I began to get into the mood for the econs test later on that day.

My mind drifted back to this topic when I was walking my dog. You see, everytime I walk my dog I like to allow my mind to drift off to many things. Probably because it's the park and although the setting isn't really that great, it's still closer to nature. And that short period of 10 to 15 mins does help me to relax and keep my mind away from school, work etc. Especially when it's really a relief to walk my dog in the midst of rushing for revision for an exam the next day.

So I thought, everyone does have an indicator of how mood is. For women, we dress according to how we feel. Shoes, bags, outfits, make up etc are all indicators of how we feel. We cut our hair when we just experienced a break up. We eat tons of ice cream (forget about the calories already!) when we're feeling down. We don't bother to apply make up when we feel ugly - who has the patience to fight the war with colours when we're feeling all frustrated and angry deep under?

I guess the good thing about this whole "allowing something that you do everyday go wrong" behavior is that we're allowing ourselves to show our displeasure. Friends or even boyfriends who are sharp enough to observe these changes would know better than to make us feel worse if they spot changes.

Of course, I then questioned myself what MY indicator was. I came up with a few answers. I guess for me it was that I wouldn't bother to take care of my skin well. I am guilty of not washing my face and moisturizing it properly before I go to bed if I don't feel good at the end of the day. I wouldn't spend over 10 mins slapping on lotion to my body as well. Another point would be that I would not bother about my hairstyle if I wasn't feeling good that day. I wouldn't even care if my fringe was horrendously out of place - if I feel down, I feel ugly and therefore no matter what I do I still feel ugly.

Enough said for this entry. What's your mood indicator?

Disgusted, appalled - and what not

2009-04-12T05:55:00.000-07:00

I am taking time off to blog because I can no longer stand it.

Being a member of my school is something that I am utterly disgusted by.

Firstly let me applaud the school's credit. No doubt, the curriculum here is heavy, and no matter how unorganized it is, it does, at the end of the day teach us many things. Content-wise, of course. Ruling out learning environment, way of studying among other things, the coursework itself is worthy of recognition. Of course, I am sure many will love to disagree in comparison with other schools but to be fair, my verdict is that my school has emphasised on academic work well. The teachers here are overall, hardworking and well prepared when it comes to lessons. Training for CCA is also relatively well and there are many other programmes designed to suit students who have expressed extraordinary interest or talent in certain subjects eg. the math talent class etc. Although many complain about how tiring PE lessons are, I beg to differ, however. Many who are not in CCAs which require movement may not exercise at all. To sum it all up, the school does fairly well in curriculum planning.

But that is about it all. Other than that I see no reason why I should be proud of my school.

The upper class people are a living contradiction. Learning DOES NOT take place purely out of interest and a right set of attitudes. Learning takes place because results have to be shown. And leaders are not picked based on merit and ability, but by their ability to abide to everything the school says. I do not wish to elaborate further on this as I see no point.

I am disgusted and appalled by how ugly man can become. The sins of humanity can be shown clearly in the school. Greed for more results. Total ignorance to how others feel. Applauding and recognising efforts ONLY if results are produced. Picking only the smart ones and always neglecting and putting down the weaker students.

I've had enough of this.

What happens to the education system when a school functions in this manner? When all the authority lies in the hands of those who are blind, and fail to see so many things. Lao Tse said that education and learning takes place through personal experience, and not by theory. Being in this school has taught us how to make everything sound good, and not put it into practice. Awards and results at the end of the day equate to efforts. Not quite a good equation, I should say. And I thought the big boss of it all excelled in math and economics?

Whoever said that Spore is free from corruption? Corruption need not take place involving only physical or monetary aspects. It takes place mentally as well. And that is why I smell a strong stench of rust, mould and what not everywhere in the school.

No doubt, I have to thank the authorities for giving me inspiration of what to think of everytime I dance our syf piece. Breaking out of conformities, huh?

One can only wonder why people say going through school gives students a taste of how society is like. I didn't say it applies to my school, did I?

The feeling of sian-ness!!!

2009-04-05T04:10:00.000-07:00

Hello people I'm here to update again.

I know I am a super inconsistent blogger, but that's cos my mood is inconsistent as well...I think.

It doesn't help that I have a love-hate relationship with every weekend. I love it because I have at least one Saturday afternoon/night and Sunday afternoon to get abit more sleep. But I hate that even as I get that extra more few hours of sleep, I worry about alot of other things. Or maybe its only me that suffers from this? I hate the feeling of going to bed thinking "I should wake up at XXX time as I still have XXXXX amount of things to do". When can I sleep with no worries?

The only time I slept without knowing that time and work existed was probably last weekend when I had a high fever. But obviously it doesn't feel good when you're sick. Lol but I think the only benefit was that I had lots of sleep. At least you feel you're sleeping.

I am not exaggerating but there is simply NOTHING in my life that excites or spices things up at all. No shopping, no hanging out with friends, no LMAO sessions, I don't even read/watch shows about my favourite skin care anymore. If I have time, I'd wanna hit the bed. Or maybe idle around worrying about NOTHING.

Lol now I feel that this entry is probably of no meaning at all other than trying to put off doing csc essay a little longer. I have to stop feeling so empty. I don't wanna look back on my teenage years but have nothing to remember other than the feeling of emptiness. I'm 17 damn it and I should be having fun.

Then again, my personality won't allow me to have fun. Lol.

Last night's lost of control was super unlike me but oh well. There is a maximum amount of tolerance that anyone can feel.

NOW I HAVE THE URGE TO GO OUT AND BUY SOME FASHION MAGAZINE TO READ AND STRIKE OUT CSC ESSAY FROM MY LIST OF WORRIES. CAN I GET SOME GETAWAY DURING THE WEEKENDS FOR ONCE? PROPERLY?

Nothing but rants in this post. But I don't care. I'm so sian and even angry to some extent about how boring my life is. RAH!!

Random update

2009-02-14T01:19:00.000-08:00

Hey ppl who might still be reading this.

Haha. I'd decide to blog cos of something that happened today..which I shall write about later.

For now, I'd like to talk about how I've been doing in school.

As (almost) all of you know, I'm dying cos of the fatigue. Dance is seriously taking up so much time and energy. I'm drained of my energy and motivation to do any work after I reach home. Imagine it being close to 10pm after you'd only slacked for an hour after bathing and eating. Crap! That's close to bed time man. Even though ppl in my class think I'm guai cos I always complete my homework, I'm disappointed in myself. That is far from what I aimed to achieve this year. I wanted to do beyond homework every day so I won't end up studying last minute. But I simply can't do it due to physical fatigue. So sorry 5Q if I am always lethargic during pe on fridays if we have to play games. I'm originally not really enthu in ball games and I'd be facing serious aches and sian-ness and tired-ness by the end of the week. I'm sorry peeps :(

Heard from many ppl that there's a certain fat physics teacher who likes to scold people for nothing. I must say I'm glad there ain't any of such teachers in my class or I'd seriously show them attitude when I can't take it. I hate the school for being inflexible at times when we're all tired and stressed. We don't even have time for proper rest, why does the school still want to piss us off by checking on our attire and stuff almost every day? Well luckily that doesn't happen to my class, but I can say for certain I'd be rolling my eyes if we had any such teacher.

Anyway, there was class leaders workshop today and it was a total waste of time. Goes to show how the school needs to improve by differentiating lower sec and year 5 stuff. Many things don't have to be made known clearly to the year 5s you know. I'm extremely pissed when the school makes us stay back or worse, to go back to school on saturdays for things that ain't necessary. Such a waste of time.

Alright. Now I shall enter my main point for blogging today.

Today after the class leaders workshop, I went to JP for lunch with YuXuan. After that, Yuxuan bought Yoghurt Place and I bought ice cream (on a cone). Was about to eat it while walking home when this old woman selling stuff at the sheltered walkway of the MRT stopped me. (She's wheelchair-bound) She asked me to help push her to the toilet. Initially, I didn't really know what to do as I was eating my ice cream halfway (which was already sorta melting by then) and I was sure that would make the ice cream melt and cause a huge mess. But anyway, I decided to be a nice person and just help her :D

So I pushed her to the toilet and there was a certain yalam woman who wanted to use the handicapped toilet at first. The old woman made a gesture to call out to the yalam woman that she needed the toilet, and the yalam woman gave way and let her use it first. The old woman asked me if I was in a rush, to which I said no, and she asked me to wait for her outside the toilet. And so I did, while I hurriedly ate my ice cream which was melting by then. The old woman took quite a long time so I managed to finish my ice cream and wash my hands by then. This was when something that happened made my blood boil.

The yalam woman who wasn't the least handicapped and wanted to use the handicapped toilet (god knows why) decided to wait outside for the old woman to finish using. She took quite a long time as mentioned earlier. The yalam woman who was with her friend/family member were talking. Gradually, their tone became more and more pissed and the yalam woman stared and even sorta glared at me. Then she kept looking at the toilet. It was as if she wanted me to check on the old woman to see if she was done. Perhaps she thought I was related to the old woman, seeing that I was eating my ice cream while waiting for her. (On another note, I think people who saw me push the old woman to the toilet thought I was her grand daughter or something...) Anyway, this was what made me angry.

HELLO?! WHAT RIGHTS DID SHE HAVE TO BE ANGRY AT SOMEONE WHO WAS SO OLD AND HAD DIFFICULTIES? OBVIOUSLY SHE'D TAKE LONGER TO USE THE TOILET WHAT. And the point is, there was a toilet meant for NORMAL PEOPLE to use right next to the handicapped toilet. It's just that she refused to use it. And don't fucking stare at me when I was the one who helped the old woman to the toilet. That puts me at a higher level than stupid inconsiderate people like her. Yes, Singapore can never become a gracious society with FAT PIGS like her. Oh, perhaps that's why she needs to use the handicapped toilet. Cos she's been eating too much KFC and what not, that she's too fat to use the normal cubicles. Hello, has she heard of such a thing called EXERCISING? That way maybe her ass won't be freaking 60 inches or something that'd give her difficulties using the normal toilets.

After that, I pushed the old woman back to the place where she was selling stuff. Along the way, I met many people who looked at me. Not sure if that was a good or bad thing. I also saw many couples who were immersing in the mood for love, holding hands, girls carrying flowers and gifts and so on. That reminded me that while we immerse ourselves in the mood to celebrate such joyous ocassions, we should not forget the fact that there are other members in society who need help. To them, there aren't such things as valentine's day. I can't bear to imagine how they'd feel. If I had to put up with such inconsiderate fat PIGS every day, I swear I'd go nuts.

On a side note again, today is Haiwei's birthday (happy birthday dear!) and my dog's birthday! Exactly six years ago on this joyous day, we bought Baby from Puppy Patrol at Bukit Timah Road and he's became part of our family ever since. I'm gonna give him his bone treat later at night :D He's becoming an old dog!

Shucks, its 5.45 pm on a Saturday evening and I feel like I haven't even done anything on a weekend yet. Hey! Saturday is supposed to be my favourite day of the week. Grrr. I seriously need to get a life man. I'm so no life. It's always been this way and I think it will stay this way, sad to say.

Alright, block tests start this coming week and there's tons of homework and studying to do. I'm gonna go start doing homework soon. Bye ppl, enjoy your vday with your dates and friends! May everyone feel blessed and in the mood for love! (Though I'm not, sad to say. haha)

AND MAY THE FAT YALAM PIG I SAW JUST NOW SLIP INTO THE TOILET BOWL OR SOMETHING.

Happy CNY everyone!

2009-01-25T07:09:00.000-08:00

Hey peeps. It's CNY eve today and its 50 mins more till CNY chu yi. I must say that I'm not in the CNY mood at all this year so pardon me for the simple greetings here to everyone. Nevertheless those who are in the CNY mood, pls do enjoy yourselves although I must say my CNY will be a sucky one as usual.

Yesterday was my 17th birthday and I sincerly thank all those who have wished me happy birthday in one way or another. I had quite a good birthday also it wasn't as great as I had wished it would be. Again, pardon me for the lack of excitement in blogging about it here.

The purpose of blogging here today is a solemn one. I got to know of something today which totally made my heart sink. Its so hard, when reality comes crashing to the floor. A couple of years back, I used to always wonder, how some people can be so emo all the time. To me, life was (and still is) filled with happiness. Unfortunately, things ain't always as lucky for people around me. For my loved ones. It pains me to see them like that. I guess its a chain reaction. When you're down, the people who loves you will feel your pain and be sad too. And then the people who cares for those people will be worried as well. It goes on.

Life is unpredictable, yet predictable in a sense. Lately I've been having lots of complicated thoughts running through my head so pardon me for all these things I've been saying that sounds ironic. Everyone knows life isn't perfect and problems here and there is expected, but the main point is that you never expect it to actually happen to you. When it does, you don't know what to do. And that hurts.

As teenagers going through the phase of growing up, we experiment with many things - just in search of what we really like and enjoy, or heck, just for the fun of it. But for some who ain't that lucky, they don't have the luxury to do so. Life during this time is a struggle, and a period of transition where you literally feel yourself mature.

Listen to your surroundings,
Find that tunnel out of you;
Balance out between heart and mind,
And then metamorph.

Stay strong.

2009-01-07T08:44:00.000-08:00

I don't know why I'm posting about this so late in the night, but I guess its at night that ppl start to emo, no?

Two things just happened (I can't say what) and they triggered me to ponder about certain things and I find myself starting to get emo once again.

So many questions and thoughts running through my mind now. About others, about society, about myself.

I'm having really random thoughts in my head that don't link with each other whatsoever, and I'm getting pretty troubled over all those silly thoughts. They are so freaking irritating.

I can't say I'm unhappy with my life right now, but there are really certain aspects of it that is starting to bug me. Cant be bothered to go into the details at all though I know ppl reading this right now will have no idea what I'm thinking about. Although they may get the feel of what I'm trying to say.

A big part of 2008 was spent emoing over him. I don't wanna do that anymore in 2009. Lol. But how difficult is that. I'm not the kind who loves easily. Its even harder for me to forget, once I do.

I don't want school to start because I don't want to have to live the same type of life. Restrictions everywhere. In school, the damn inflexible school rules, system and way of running things. A school life that's so predictable, so much to the extend that everyone seems to have more or less lost their motivation to try to fight for what we should be getting. What other jc students are enjoying. I don't want to hate going to school for the next two years. This might sound gross but really, I wanna enjoy learning. I want to have the passion to keep me going. I've never had that in me for the past 4 years, but I'm starting to see the light for this to happen in year 4. Maybe that's what they mean by maturing. But year 4 was too busy, too much of a rush. It was simply a battle against time. Now that we've selected our subject combinations I wanna make sure I enjoy the most out of what I've chosen for myself. Especially CSC and CLL. I even wanna attempt to feel something out of math instead of only hating it. I'm determined to improve in it. But I wonder, will I fall back and falter once I encounter the same things that all rvians are complaining about. The inflexible system. The fatigue. The lack of passion and motivation around in the school environment. This is making me all so sick. I wanna enjoy school life, and I'm already trying my best not to be cynical but its hard. So hard.

And there's the problem of personal life too. Once year 5 starts its not hard to imagine how fast time will past once again. I'm not sure that that's a good or hard thing, but one thing's for sure. Our youth is slipping past our hands. And I don't wanna look back thinking, when I was young, I could rmb nothing but going to rv and complaining about how boring school life was. And how busy it was that it left me with nothing in my personal life, away from school. It almost seems as if I can forsee the days to come along. The weekends whereby we'll be busy studying, me going for tuition, ppl wanting to spend more time with their families, to just enjoy abit of what they can't during weekdays...so busy they have no time for friends. It's almost impossible to have fun with friends outside of school once school starts. For a non school related purpose. And this sucks because we're teenagers now and friends are supposedly such an important aspect of our lives. Damn. Its not that I hate my family. But there are too many restrictions in the family, that sometimes one cannot take it no matter the purpose behind it. Teenage years are supposingly the most rebellious years, no? Increasingly I'm getting more and more irritated by the fact that I face so many restrictions in this family. I'm old enough and sensible enough to decide for myself, what I should or should not be doing. Sometimes it hurts to know that parents don't seem to trust you.

So many restrictions. Damn. Why does it seem as if people dun wanna give me a chance. School, family. I see little hope in bringing about much change. Change may not definitely be good, but I see that its about time I should bring about some changes. Its getting way too much of a routine, too much of an oppress for me. I need some space to breathe.

Reviving my blog AGAIN

2009-01-05T06:59:00.000-08:00

Apologies for the lack of updates! Hahaha. Not many people come here, anyway.

Hoho I can no longer rmb the following events in chronological order, but anyway I'll just *try to* update them in the correct sequence.

Primary School Gathering

It was a primary school gathering organised by Grace and Shermaine, I think. I met up with peiying first at sun plaza for mac breakfast before meeting up with the rest and heading to Dhoby Ghaut for lunch. LOL. Cheap deal there though the food wasn't of good quality. But its a cheap place to go to if you don't mind lousy food and just want a spot to rot at for the whole day with free flow of drinks and ice cream. Oh, the place is called "Just Acia", I think. Lala. Then later a few of us wanted to go to k box but the majority didn't want to. Eventually, we didn't and we headed off to some cafe at Bukit Timah road that's obviously targeted at the rich who have nothing better to do in the afternoons. The place is kinda "ulu" and the desserts/drinks that they sell there is overpriced. Plus point there is that there's plenty of free board games for you to play there, so you don't have to bring your own set of board games out for a gathering. Err, wait a minute, I just realised people don't do that during gatherings, unless they're going to someone else's house LOL. Anyway that day was not bad for a get together after so many years. Seems like peiying and I still click better with the guys. Haha. Went back to sun plaza after that for dinner, before heading back home.

Candid shot taken of some of the peeps while eating..

This was NOT a candid shot. Hahaha.

Group photo! Outside the cafe we went to, swirl.

Dong Zhi
Hoho, Peiying came to my house for a stayover the day after the gathering! Yep, talked alot, sister heart to heart talks. We slept at 5am LOL. And the result was Peiying getting hooked onto criminal minds HAHAHA. Oh well. Not much to say about that day. She saw a few of my dance friends haha. And she thinks they are 'cute'! LOL OMG totally. This obviously 便宜了 lerae, gsh, lyt, erjie. hahaha. To think they had the cheek to call me down to join them at jp immediately when it turned out to be so boring. oh gosh!

The next day was a Sunday, and it was dong zhi! LOL. Friends who know me well enough will know that my family is nowhere near being traditional, but oh well, we do love to EAT! So my dad made tang yuan for the family :D

Adding water to the glutinous flour (dunno what's that called?)..

My dad working hard haha

Shaped in circles!

Putting the tang yuan into water boiled with pandan leaves so it'll smell nice!

Baby barking in hope for his share too!

LOL and guess what, I totally forgot to take a pic of the final product -.-'
How anti-climax hahah...

Outing with dance people/Dinner with Peiying on New Year's Eve
LOL, I was feeling super sian so I wanted to ask people out on new year's eve. Unfortunately, everyone else was alr booked. Then, goh shu hui and I who happened to be talking at that time decided to go out. Luckily erjie and yantong joined us in the end. Although the outing was still considered quite a failure luh. HAHA. But at least we had something to kill off time on new year's eve, huh?

Later I abandoned them *er hem* and went off to meet with peiying again. LOL, yes I know, it seems like she's my only friend. hahaha. Anyway, we were both craving for pasta and good food, so we decided to give spageddies at Paragon a try, instead of the conventional Pastamania. The food there's not bad, although Peiying ordered beef by mistake. But I guess we were quite happy with the experience there. The staff there have efficient service! Everything's pretty fast.

Peiying's baked penne and my meatball spagetti. I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE THINKING. My order looks wrong huh. Even peiying thinks so LOL.

Start of my diet plan (yes, again.)

So um, as you guys can see, with all that good food and going out, obviously I'd have put on ALOT of weight huh. Over the holidays, which I did, okay. The figure on the weighing scale scared me, so I embarked on my diet plan once again.

This time, I was gonna try what I learned from the taiwan show, 女人我最大。An artiste who went on the show said that she slimmed down by eating boiled veggies and beef, and doing alot of exercise. I told my mum about my plan, and she suggested for me to put some seasoning into the boiling water so I could make some soup instead. It would be tastier that way. At first, I was worried that eating so much seasoning would be unhealthy but heck, when u dine outside, they cook with loads of seasoning too so isn't it the same? At least you can control the amount of seasoning you put at home. So I came up with a wonderful creation of WLS! (Weight loss soup, not wanglaoshi LOL)

My WLS is simple. It contains boiled veggies and beef, and anything else that I can throw inside. Probably egg or beancurd. Anything that cooks easily in boiled water and is tasty. I change the soup base by adding in different seasoning. Its low in fat and extremely tasty as well! Maybe that's cos I'm a veggie lover in the first place, and I enjoy drinking soup alot. So I love my WLS to bits! I won't disclose my weight, but I can only say that I've lost 2 kg so far by drinking it for a few days only! Not to mention I did eat stuff I'm not supposed to eat during these few days, like mcwings meal and bubble tea LOL. But I'm positive it does work! Anyway, even if it doesn't help in making me lose weight, at least its a healthy and simple meal that I can whip up anytime myself. So cheers to WLS!!!

Cooking it..

All ready and served! That's tonight's dinner. I added miso paste in today.

Oh, and if you're worried that drinking soup with veggies won't make you full, just cook a bigger pot! I don't deny that I get hungry really easily, so I can't possibly be like other people and eat really really little or survive on only fruits when I'm on a diet. However, since I love veggies alot, just like my mum, the both of us have been drinking WLS together! So yeap, she washes alot of veggies so I throw alot in! That makes quite a huge portion of soup, that's enough for two big servings! So now I can eat alot and yet feel healthy and low in fat intake!

P.S I just realised that I sound like I'm advertising for WLS. As if its some product that I am manufacturing now LOL.

Okay, there's still work that I've yet to blog about. More on that in my next post!

Update alas

2008-12-08T01:35:00.001-08:00

HELLO

I hope people are still reading this before they think my blog is dead again.

Don't worry I'm still alive. I've just been busy with work. For the previous week I was working from 12 to 10.30 alot, and it totals up to 46 hours of work.

Well I've tried everything in the restaurant now and I must say I'm starting to get the hang of it. But of course I'm still not as fast as the other experienced workers. The worst part of it is, I'm actually getting abit sian of the job sometimes, esp when there's nothing to do or when I've worked for the whole day and I feel shagged. Well well. For the money, I shall persevere :D

I promise I'll take photos of my job, probably on the last day of work I'll try to take a pic with everyone as part of my memories haha.

As for this week, it's sian cos it's filled with dance prac. omg sulao is coming back. OH MY GOD. i haven't stretched in ages!!! Yarh I know, I desperately need to EXERCISE!!! But everytime I have free time when I'm not working, there isn't a chance for me to exercise. Either it's raining, or I have to go out with my parents. I wanted to go running today, but it was raining for the whole day -.-

Ooh xmas is coming soon! This means lots of SALES going on. Heh heh. I know there are tons of offers going on in the face shop and the body shop, which are two of my most frequented shops but oh well. I'm trying to save money. Yet, it seems like too much of a temptation not to spend any of the money that I've earned from work. Not that it's a big amount, but still, it's enough to make me feel grateful I did work during the holidays. DATE ME FOR SHOPPING, ANYONE? I need to get some clothes, and I'm a total noob at that. Of course, my all time favourite skincare products as well. :D

Life is such a bore for me. It's either school, or work. Zzz. And now I need to go out for dinner. IT'S A ROUTINE. AND I HATE ROUTINES cos they are sian.

Zzz bye. What a random and boring entry. But I seriously dunno what to write.

Work at Ichiban Sushi

2008-11-18T01:05:00.000-08:00

Hello folks.

Today is a Tuesday and it feels great to know that there's no cca today. HAHA. Noob huh. I used to always kind of dread Tuesdays and Fridays cos of cca. LOL. Okay I'm a slacker XD

Tmr's the 3rd day of work. I've been doing the same thing for the first two days of work - being in charge of the bar. That means I'm the person in charge of drinks and desserts. I prepare the orders and serve them. It also means I'm a cleaner who cleans the cups LOL. Most of the time, I stay in the kitchen. I only go out to bring the clean cups out, or to refill the green tea. But yesterday, at 3 plus, when there wasn't much customers I could go out to talk to seniors and ask them to teach me more stuff. Well, the people there are generally quite nice and will tell you what you need to know. But I gotta say I don't know if its a lack of proper training or its meant to be this way, I felt that the people there didn't really tell me what I'm supposed to know. Like, they didn't really "teach" me what I'm supposed to know. I don't mean spoon feeding like telling me everything step by step, but I didn't even know what my job consist of as being the person in charge of the bar until one of the nice seniors told me yesterday. Well, now that I know I'll aim to do a better job, I certainly don't want to be seen as being slack by the others!

Hmm. Now that I think I more or less know what the person doing the bar is in charge of, I think I wanna try something else tmr. Or at least I hope I can do something new. I wanna learn and try to take orders or even clear the table! It sounds fun. Haha. I admit I'm still super not used to work yet, so I tend to worry about alot of things. Like how until now I'm still unable to wear the bloody uniform myself. (Don't laugh okay, it's not easy, trust me!) And I still worry about doing the desserts myself. I can't handle the ice cream! But oh well, I guess it'll get better as time goes by. But still! I hope I can do something new. : )

Alright, I think I will blog about work again some other time when I try out something new? There's really nothing much to talk about when I've only done the bar so far. Other than the fact that I got an order mixed up and sent it to the wrong table LOL. Luckily the customers didn't complain, and I didn't get a scolding from seniors either. LOL.

Working is really quite an experience. I strongly urge those who are free in the holidays to go find a job! It's better than rotting at home :)

I'll try to post a picture of me in work soon. I'll probably take a photo with Yuxuan in our uniforms or something, when we have the same shift. Otherwise, I'll definitely take a photo with the seniors when I leave! I think some of them are really nice so I hope I can become more familiar and get closer to them soon. =) Yay to me and yuxuan for work!

Regimes

2008-11-14T16:38:00.000-08:00

I don't know how many of you out there have regimes for yourself. In my opinion, having a regime and sticking to it has to be the hardest thing to do yet!

Anyway, I'm about to go for a morning jog soon. The point of this entry is to state that I have failed, time and again, to have a strict exercise regime. Every night I lie in bed thinking how unfit I am, and then I'll go on to plan out the exercises I'm gonna do the next day, and make a promise to myself that I MUST MUST stick to that regime from the next day onwards. But when does that really happen? For starters, I'm not strict in exercising. I exercise (on my own) as and when I like it, and when I do, it may or may not be strenous, depending on my mood. Sometimes when I'm determined I can do alot of things, like 12 rounds round the stadium with my parents. But when I don't feel like running I can run as little as 6 rounds. LOL. Great difference huh.

I really look up to those people who have strict regimes for themselves. I once read from a magazine that Madonna has been keeping herself looking good all these years by following a strict diet and exercise regime. Wow! I guess it's not easy, especially when we get older. It's kind of sad actually, that whenever I go downstairs to run, I seldom see teenagers (except for the Ah Bengs playing basketball in the basketball court nearby) exercising. The people I meet are mostly aunties or uncles. Well, at least they're doing something to keep themselves healthy and fit huh.

There's so much I wanna do this holidays! Well, I'm gonna try to have an exercise regime, and it should not fail since I have all the time in the world in the holidays. I hope the weather will be fine though, so I can go for jogs. And then, I'm gonna try to have a newspaper reading regime. LOL. I know this sounds really dumb but ever since school ended I haven't been keeping in touch with any news at all. I'd better start reading again in preperation for CSC and GP next year!

Come to think of it, I think the regime that I'm closest to sticking to is skincare. LOL. Yeah, I mean who doesn't want good skin? especially when my skin is so sensitive I have to take extra time and care to take good care of it. But nobody's gonna look good with all the fats and untoned muscles. So yeah, I'm gonna try to throw in an exercise regime on top of that!

Okay, work starts tmr and today for yuxuan. I'm so excited! Shall blog about it tmr after the training. :D

Enough said for now, I'm gonna go run already!

Back in action!

2008-11-13T08:03:00.000-08:00

I am finally back to blogging.

Well I shall not update about what happened from the last time I blogged till when school ended. haha. Lets move on to what happened in the holidays instead.

I guess I must thank my two good friends, Peiying and Grace. We met up on a Sunday one week before school ended and they were talking about holiday plans when I had nothing at all in mind. They talked about stuff like working, doing what they liked, catching up on school work and basically just taking the time off for a long rest before we have to return to school again next year. At that time I confessed to being "aimless" as compared to them. I am someone who doesn't think much for myself. More often than not I just watch the day go by and lead a rather mundane life.

It wasn't till a week later that I suddenly felt the urge to try working. I don't have any working experience, other than giving out flyers for celine laoshi 2 years ago. Probably inspired by my two friends, it dawned on me that it was time I tried something I didn't do before. So I decided to go on a job hunt. I actually went to ask Mr Bean at the mrt station you know, since they were hiring! Haha. But too bad they were looking for long term workers so yeah, they don't wanna employ students on holiday.

Later that night celine laoshi approached me with a job offer of being a facilitator for a performing arts camp she's conducting the next day at Bukit View Seconday School (BVSS). Usually I wouldn't have accepted the job offer, since I'm usually the quiet type in camps myself. How then can I be a facil? But then at that point of time I was interested in finding a job and giving myself a new experience and challenge, so I accepted the job, not sure of what was gonna happen at all.

When I reached the school with the other facils and laoshi herself, I was still very worried. The rest were all guys and much older. They had many experiences being facils before. I was SO worried, especially when we first broke up into groups for icebreakers. It took a while for me to 'warm up' myself but I must say I did my best. During tea break everyone could sense that I was worried I think. It certainly didn't help that my group was quiet! It only made things worse for a noob like me.

Luckily after lunch things started getting better. The groups then proceeded to start preparing for their items for the competition at night. From then on time seemed to pass rather quickly. The competition was great, I must say. The items put up by all the students were so entertaining and everyone put in a great amount of effort.

It was at that competition that I realised something distinctively different about rv and other schools. I'm sure it isn't just BVSS, but probably many other schools as well. Throughout the whole camp I observed the students of BVSS. Though they ain't representative of the whole school, I guess it's still pretty safe to assume that they're more vocal and stuff since they all belong to the performing arts groups. Anyway, back to what I was saying. I am not being biased here, but I have to say that rv students are alot more daring and vocal. When saying something in front of everyone else, rv students in general have not much of a problem. The BVSS students in turn are alot more shy and they don't seem to have much to say when asked to say anything or contribute ideas. I have to give it to rv students for being better at this. However, sad to say, it is true that rv students are only smart in the head. Though the BVSS students may not be that affluent (purely based on what I observed), they definitely are more daring and energetic as compared to us rvians. The way they scream and support each other during the competition, how they are so enthusiastic throughout the whole camp, how they dare to perform solo in front of everyone although they do not know each other well...this all goes to show how shy and "dead" rvians can be. We are dead as ever during events like camps and we most certainly will never reach the same energy level as those students in BVSS. It's kind of sad actually. RVians don't know how to have fun. It's hard to put into words what I want to express, you have to be there to observe for yourself the difference.

Anyway, the day ended with everyone feeling shagged. Overall, the camp was quite an experience for me. Quite a few learning points and a fun experience of course. I must say that I am really sorry to the people in my group because many of them seemed quite bored. Probably its due to my lack of experience and all that I wasn't able to bring up the energy level in my group and make them really excited and high during the camp. But at least they won overall champion = ). At the end of it all we gave out the prizes and took photos. Here's a group photo. (I have no choice but to post this one and only photo I have so far although my eyes are closed, tyvm.)

Haha..and so that marks the end of the camp, and my 1st job during the holidays. I'm seriously quite hyped up about working now. It's really quite an eye opener and a rare experience. Of course, it kills time (who's not bored staying at home all day long?) and brings me some extra pocket money as well. Going to sakae sushi tmr to enquire about the job with yuxuan since they're employing. Hopefully we get employed! =)

Holidays thus far

2008-09-04T19:07:00.000-07:00

Don't know why I decided to blog suddenly this morning.

I must say that the holidays have ZOOMED past and before I know it, it's a friday already. Like wth, really. But I'm proud to say that this holiday is probably the only one in which I completely felt a sense of achievement because I'd been working either my body (dance) or brains out every day (mugging). Which means, I haven't been wasting much time and slacking away! Well I won't say that the holidays are productive, however, but at least I know I haven't been rotting my time away much.

A short summary of what had happened since last friday, teacher's day celebrations.

Friday (29th Aug) - Had teacher's day celebration in school (i of cos loved the two dance items the most) and then went off to plaza sing with grace and soo sien because peiying was knocked outta all her energy by then. hahah. Went to body shop fair, soosien got a cleanser and I was pissed that there wasn't anything I had in mind to buy. We went to yamaha next with soosien who bought a piano book for her lesson. She wanted to get another book with piano scores as well but we told her not to since she only wanted the scores for one particular song. LOL. In the end she was convinced and only got 1 book. Returned to the body shop fair because I was so angry I didn't get anything. Walked around once again and decided to get a cleanser for jooxiang as a teacher's day gift, and bought this extremely nice smelling cleanser + exfoliator for myself.

Saturday (30th Aug) - Woke up and my parents suggested to go to Wisma Atria for korean food! (the one at the foodcourt) The food was delicious! I loved the rice and the ginseng chicken soup! After which we went around to shop for a while before my dad drove me to Singapore Conference Hall for our school's CO performance. Well it's probably just me but I must say that I cant really appreciate CO music, although it didn't bore me to the extent that I felt like I was gonna fall asleep. I'm sorta just neutral for CO music. Haha. But what I want to complain about is the audience etiquette! Oh my goodness pls. There were so many ppl who were late and kept coming in during the intervals. And the attire of some ppl was like....-_-'. Erm, shorts? To a conference hall? Or even worse, I spotted a rv girl wearing the RV PE ATTIRE there. Gosh! I mean how hard is it for ppl to bring a set of clothes to change? If you ask me, even a casual jeans and shirt would be a better choice than wearing shorts and sleeveless shirts. You look like you're gonna go to sentosa or something. In a way, it's also kind of no respect for the performance rite? I've been to other performances at night, such as the EL performance, but everyone's dressing was still okay. Just because it's a performance in the afternoon doesn't mean ppl should just wear anything there rite? Aiyo!

Sunday (31st Aug) - Had brunch at a hawker centre near Queensway with my parents. The porridge was delicious! Then went around to Redhill market with them to buy some groceries. Afterwhich we went to Anchor Point which we'd never been to before. I was excited to see how the Disney Mickey Mouse restaurant was like, but when I saw it I was disappointed at how kiddy the whole place looked. Hello! They should probably set up part of the restaurant for the older consumers as well rite? Old alr cannot like mickey mouse meh? How they expect me to go in without feeling uncomfortable man! Grrr. Anyway, I went to Charles & Keith to look for a new bag..saw one that was pretty nice and bought it for $22.40. pretty cheap for a bag huh? That's quite 'branded' also larh...hahah! Went home aft that and not much happened..

Monday (1st Sep) - Continued to study about surds, indices and log in the morning. Had tuition after that. Am starting to get VERY worried about the eoys as I realise how much content I really have to cover. Damn. Monday was a boring day, mugging the whole day. Which reminds me, why is studying called mugging anyway? Is it because most people have a mug filled with drinks with them when they study? Haha! Then started studying abit of sec 3 bio also, went to sleep finally with extremely dry eyes.

Tuesday (2nd Sep) - Went for the US talk in the morning. It was generally okay I think. Was quite interested in knowing more about the courses available at the US after that haha. The instructors were very friendly as well. After that, I went to Vivo to have lunch with Yan Peng, along with yantong and judith whom we met at the bus stop. had pastamania. Went back to school for dance, was relatively okay as well other than the fact that it'd been so long since I went for a dance prac so I had a hard time stretching and splitting. There were new barres which kind of sucked for me because the height was as low as ever. Zzzz.

Wednesday (3rd Sep) - Went for part 2 of the US talk, and it was more useful than the 1st day's. The highlight of the day was none other than spotting the TSG at topshop with yanpeng at vivo. Well to keep a long story short, topshop was closed for a model photoshoot and there were many ang moh models standing outside the store waiting for it to be set up. There was one who was THE MOST SHUAI. yanpeng and I totally went crazy over him after that. We actually u-turned and walked back and forth just to see him! Best thing was when he walked past us to go to adidas...omg heart melt totally larh! Btw, he's called TSG (top shop guy) so the next time you guys hear about me talking about the TSG you know why. Wahahah.

Thursday (4th Sep) - The most tiring day of the holidays. Had bio in the morning from 8 - 11.45. Got back our test papers (happy I didn't fail..) and had lessons aft that. Went to Superdog (at Vivo again) for lunch before rushing back LIKE A NOOB in time for dance. Pai3 SYF and we got quite alot of new stuff to rmb. Got bruises once again as usual. After that went to Mildred's house to bathe and eat dinner. Thanks alot Mildred! Headed to Victoria Concert Hall aft that for a guang zhou concert...The concert was like boring lah. Was totally talking crap with haiwei. Haha. Throughout the concert I felt like dying cos of how suan1 my legs were and how my calf muscles were aching. Came home late at night..

Friday (5th Sep) - Haha! Woke up in the morning at 9.40...so shuang. First time I slept until so late in the holidays. Of course my body is aching as usual larh. Gonna leave home in about an hour's time to go to school for dance once again. Hopefully can finish pai3-ing SYF by today bah. I'm gonna have to come home to study aft that!

What a LONG entry.

无言

2008-08-20T06:07:00.000-07:00

Today's the end of CTs. Not quite act, there's still clit but its one week away so can slowly study...zzz. I seriously think I screwed up CTs. And the point is, I'm feeling worse because I screwed up the papers that I'm supposed to be more confident in. To be more precise, it's the humanities and language papers larh. But I think I totally screwed up this time. Not even lang arts which I often claim to be a giveaway paper cause no one would fail it. Zzzz. Oh well. At least those papers are the kind which you can't exactly prepare for, so the feeling of guilt is less.. in a way. Yep. Just keeping my fingers crossed for the results to be good.

Anyway, I've so many thoughts going on in my mind now...I shall blog about them in chinese bcos I think they can convey my feelings better.

=====================================================

关于他的事，我感到无言。

一直以来，我认为自己非常了解他，但没想到，他真的变了。彻底的变了。我一直不敢相信，直到他亲口说出口，说他已感到自己变了，而且变成了一个连他自己都不知道是谁的人。

为什么才短短的两个多月，他会变了那么多呢？

逻辑性的分析能告诉任何人，这种变化其实是自然的，如他所说，这都是成长中的一部分。但我总认为，那不是真正的他。

他告诉我，不要再对他持有任何的感情，因为这只会伤害我自己。这我当然知道。但感情的事，有的时候真的不由得自己。

不过我想，是时候了。我这个人很奇怪，常常喜欢在朋友面前逞强，但其实心里根本没有那么坚强。为了我心爱的人，我能默默的忍受一切，只要看到他幸福，开心就好。但我想，过了昨天晚上的谈话后，我认为我已经没有必要再停留在之前的回忆里了。之前我认为，他不需要我，但他也不至于完全不把我放在眼里了吧？不过事实已证明，我不再需要欺骗自己，因为他真的已把我忘了。

现在的我，脑海里有很多复杂的想法。但唯一能肯定的是，我已经决定忘了他，忘了从前的事了。我不知道我需要多久的时间，不过我真的认为，我没有必要再为了他这种人而担心了。他爱怎么做，就怎么做吧。他说的对，我没有必要管他，也没有权利再管他了。

既然他都那么说了，我还能怎样。我也真的不该那么傻了。

但实际点吧。我没他那么厉害，能够那么快又找到另外一个对象。究竟我需要多久的时间才能彻底走出那段21个月的共同回忆呢？

我不知道。但我心已定，这条路的旅程，已经开始了。

Pia for CTs!

2008-08-03T07:48:00.001-07:00

Omg I just finished math ws 3e. Though my tutor just went through it I had a hard time doing qn 6.

I'm like seriously stressed up over CTs. There's so much to study, and so little time. Not to mention I'm dead tired. This week's gonna be busy again, returning home late almost every day. At times like these I find CCA irritating cos it takes up our time for studying. Don't get me wrong, it's not that I don't like CCA but I obviously need more time for revision. My results ain't good, afterall. Some might argue that even if there's no CCA, we wouldn't use that time for studying anyway. That's true, but at least it can be time used for resting. I'm the kind who gets very stressed up when I know that there's alot for me to do but no time and energy. Oh man. At least we can put aside CID for now. Or so I hope.

Yesterday was quite a happy day for me though it was tiring. Woke up earlier than school day (by only 5 mins actually) and travelled down to Bradell with dancers for cip. After which I returned home and got ready to go out. Met Peiying at Clarke Quay MRT before going to shop for gifts for Grace to support her performance. Later, we took the bus down and along with a bunch of other rvians, couldn't find our way to DBS Arts centre. So we were kinda late and ended up running to the place. I was running in heels! Then had blisters, : (. Peiying said I was the representative for being able to endure pain. haha.

The production itself was great! The crew did a great job at acting out the emotions of the enraged animals, determined to bring about some changes for themselves. However, I personally find it more interesting and exciting to go for a production which we don't know the story beforehand so that there's this feeling of suspense. I thought the production was great on the whole, but that feeling of suspense was lacking cos there wasn't really much difference from the original story. Nevertheless, it was a great job! I was amazed by the performance of certain characters.. eg Ariel did a great job for Napoleon's role. Of course, many others, not forgetting our beloved friend Grace whom we where there to support, did a fantastic job as well! Congrats ELDDS!

After the play Peiying and I wanted to go to starbucks for a drink..initially we stopped by the outlet close to DBS arts centre. I found it quite weird that there wasn't my favourite range of Frappe to be found on the menu, so I told her maybe that outlet was smaller and didn't have all the flavours available. So we decided to head down to Liang Court which we were at earlier to buy Grace's gifts. Unfortunately, it was packed and there weren't seats for us. AND we found the menu to be exactly the same as the outlet earlier, which was much emptier. I was feeling so sorry. Haha. (I still think that those 2 outlets might not have the complete menu. I mean, frappe just disappeared? Thats weird.) So we settled for McCafe instead. Oh btw, I forgot to mention we saw Leon at subway's cashier when we were trying to find seats at starbucks. haha. random.

Had Mocha Frappe at McCafe and Peiying had Double Chocolate Frappe. Not bad if you ask me. I thought it was pretty good for $4.70. Starbucks would've been about close to 7 bucks if I'd bought the same thing. Okay, I admit starbucks would've tasted better but McCafe's is good enough alr, for that price. So you guys might wanna try it sometime. I don't mind going there if I'm on a tighter budget but feel like having some quality ice blended caffeine : D

Talked to Peiying until about 11 before heading back to the MRT to go home. Seemed like quite a short chat, when actually it lasted for about an hour. I guess we have simply too much to catch up on since we haven't met for so long. More gatherings pls! I don't mind meeting up just for a few hours on weekends..the feeling of reminiscing with old pals is fantastic : )

Alright, I'd better go back to studying for the upcoming math quiz on Wed. Didn't take many pics so I won't bother posting them up. Jiayou everyone for CTs! It's time to pia all over again like we did for mid years. Oh bother.

Nvm, I must tell myself : I can do it! And the same goes out to all of u!

Zzz....attempt to sleep earlier.

2008-07-30T06:02:00.001-07:00

Gosh..I'm so tired these days!

I've just finished the more important part of the conclusion of our CID report. Grrr. I hate irresponsibility. Lol. I shall not bother to say anything more about it. It only makes our blood boil.

Anyway, talking to Yu Xuan only reminded me of him even more. I know, I've decided to forget him but it ain't gonna be that easy right? I mean yarh. Obviously. Maybe I really need to give myself more time. But who knows, it's been 2 months plus, in fact maybe even 3 months, but still I'm unable to put him down. Oh well. I'm not feeling that emo now so I shall not write more lest I become more emo again. Haha. I think I'm not as emo as last week liao. Good thing? : )

Ok ok I know I'm slacking but simply can't help it man. I almost died in all of the lessons today. Was totally struggling to keep myself awake. But I always have this problem of sleeping early at night. I always feel that it's too early to sleep and so I'm not used to it, no matter how tired I may be. Totally bad habit man.

Alright since I don't know what else to blog I shall go off and attempt to sleep earlier tonight. Haha.

A light entry to start it off all over again..

2008-07-26T01:31:00.001-07:00

Right now I'm waiting for the modem people to come to fix the new modem...so I might have to leave anytime.

Thus, I've decided to write a rather light entry since I don't have much time.

Okay I know I'm finally blogging after months, and I don't think many ppl even know of this new URL. Well that's probably not a bad thing anyway, can write more personal stuff haha.

Yesterday we had this talk as part of our E&C week. I found the talk rather inspirational and motivating. It got me having quite a wild idea of starting/initiating some kind of voluntary work for animals. I mean, not many people care about animals and people might probably argue that human should receive more attention than animals, but that's precisely the whole point. Not many people are as "weird" or "crazy" as me (like how some might choose to see it), so I guess it's important that they're people out there who wish to do some form of voluntary work for animals as well. Afterall, its us humans who continually destory their habitat or hunt them. That's very shameful for us and so, it's essential to raise awareness to protect the animals!

Haha okay that's just a wild idea and I don't think I'd start anything larh, but seriously I love animals so much!

Grr okay I better sign off now, will be back very soon to jot down my thoughts. Been having too many of them recently, and I think I'm going mad.

2008-03-01T21:01:00.001-08:00

Omg omg this has got to be the worst fact ever.

I just calculated my gpa for all the subjects we got back so far and its a freaking........3.1.

WHICH COULD HAVE BEEN A GPA OF 3.5 IF I HAVEN'T GOT A FUCKING C6 FOR MY LANG ARTS AND GOTTEN MY USUAL A2. And all for that just because I wrote my answer from paragraph 5 instead of paragraph 4. The qn was easy and I reckon I could've gotten at least 2 - 3 marks more, if I had written from the correct paragraph. And like 1 mark from the test is act 6.6 marks, which means a grade. Wow. Even getting 2 marks more means at least a B3 for me, which is alr considered disappointing since I've always gotten confirmed A2's at least for lang arts. Damn it, why why why? Why screw up lang arts when it's so bloody easy?!

And if things weren't bad enough I estimated my S.S to be B4 (hopefully I can even get that mark), and both my math and bio to be F9 (expected for math, but this time's bio test isn't even enough for me to scrape through with a C6 or at least a pathetic D7...), and my GPA for term 1 is.......................................................2.25.

Pathetic, thank you very much. Term 1 has just shot past and I dunno wth I've been doing so far. Gosh, how do I fucking hit a gpa of 3 to promote?!

I think I'm like stupid and I shouldn't even be in RV. I'd even have difficulty passing math if I was taking O levels. How the heck am I gonna survive man.

Thank you very much, if the ________ bombs up boon lay mrt I should probably hope that I'm there so I won't have to worry about getting a gpa of 3. And why can't I just drop math and bio so my gpa will be good man. This SUCKS!!! Definitely one science and 3 humans combi for me next year man. At least I won't be this pathetic trying to compress all my brain cells to make space to squeeze all those math and bio shit into my brain. I'm bound to be an arts student. Zzzzzz.

2008-02-01T18:06:00.001-08:00

These few days,or rather weeks, have been super tiring and both physically and mentally exhausting.

To be honest, I wasn't the least bit happy about the math test yesterday. Although I knew I would fail even before the test, I was hoping that hopefully, I'd be able to score a little better since I know I can say for sure that at least I understand the current topic more than the previous ones that we learned in sec 3, where I totally didn't catch a thing. Even though many others said that the test was easy, I thought it was still very difficult. Utter disappointment was all that I felt after the test, when I heard others discussing about the questions and even saying that some were "give-away questions". Heck. I couldn't even answer one whole question. At least I know for sure that this year, I really did try to put in more effort in studying something that I totally had no hope for last year. I paid full attention in class, and tried all the homework for myself before I even copied other ppl's work when I realy didn't have any idea how to do them. I know that I can't expect much when my foundation is so poor, but still...can't help but say that I feel disappointed.

For clit we've been learning about 论语,which I feel makes alot of sense and can be applied to our lives. Many things happens everyday and I try to observe what my peers around me behave like and indeed, I must say that what su lao shi tells us all the time is true. He said that youngsters nowdays are 自私，自我，and 自大. Look at the things that happen to you everyday. How many of us have always blamed the school whenever something happens? Like getting caught for your attire every day. Sure, it is understandable if your mood turns bad when you get caught for your attire, but heck, have you ever questioned yourself if you'd done anything wrong in the first place? Attire-wise, we have no say because it is a school rule. You may choose to think that you have the rights to wear your uniform the way you want because it is trendy, or that you think you don't look good if you don't 'break the rules'. But come on, when you get caught by almost every teacher, you're the one who won't feel good, and you can't blame anyone if they keep picking on you. In the first place, if you didn't want that to happen, then don't make it so obvious that you're breaking the rules. I'm not trying to be pc here, but looking at how many people react towards this issue just makes you stop to think and reflect on why they are behaving like that. Cursing and swearing at the teachers when they were the ones who were at fault in the first place?

Hmm I still have many other thoughts in mind, but I don't really feel like blogging anymore. I've got to go for horizon soon so yeah, till I feel like blogging the next time. Ta-ta.

2008-01-05T21:08:00.000-08:00

I don't really wish to say this, but somehow, I can't help but feel pretty down these days. Not that much to say that I'm emo (gosh I can't believe I'm using that word man) though. It's just...feeling kind of sian and down.

I didn't have a problem with her when I was in primary school. Back then, I felt that she was giving me more freedom than compared to my friends. I was always allowed to go out. There wasn't a time where she said no. On the other hand, my friends always had the problem where their parents didn't allow them to even go to each other's houses. Back then, I was happy with the amount of freedom that I had. Heck, I even got my first handphone at the age of 10. That was the amount of freedom I had.

But now, I still have the same amount of freedom I once had at the age of 10. The amount of freedom I have now is so little compared to all my peers. I used to laugh at the nerds/bookworms/pia kias for not having a life. Looking at how I am living my life now, I realise I'm not any better compared to them.

I have no idea why, but lately it has occured to me that she can be v controlling. I'm not allowed to go out when I request to. She says no to most of the things so I might as well not ask at all. In fact, I used to share everything with her. Everything. Now, I don't even feel like talking much to her. I don't want that to happen though. I hate it when I hear of other ppl having bad relationships with their parents. I can't believe that this is happening to me too.

I don't wanna talk back to her, though I really feel like it at times. I walk around the shopping mall alone even when I'm out with my parents. They enter shops that I'm not at all interested in. Like G2000 and jewellery shops. There's nothing for me to look at there. I am super sian-ed whenever they go into such shops. When I walk into one that I feel like going into, she refuses to go in with me. She feels that I'm about to spend money that is unecessary. She feels that I do not know what is worth buying. She feels that she is not interested in what I'm interested in, so she might as well stay outside the store. I enter shops that are not of their interest, so they'd rather stay outside. When I find something that catches my eye, I turn back to see if they're around to tell them about it. Everytime I'm excited over something, wanting to share with them, they're not there most of the time. Or she'd frown and say no. Such that whenever they ask me if I wanna buy anything, I'd choose to say no. I hate the feeling of being rejected when I request to buy something. And it's not like the things that I buy are that expensive. I don't know...maybe others reading this right now might feel that I'm just being materialistic. But the truth is, I'm not. I'd rather go shopping with her just like any other mum and daughter would, trying on clothes/shoes together, looking at bags and stuff together. It actually hurts me whenever I look at such a common scence in the shopping mall. Because I know I'd never have that experience.

I am nagged at when I wish to go shopping for clothes. When I try them on, she puts me down with her comments by saying that I don't have the tiao jian to wear such clothes. I don't look nice in it. She feels I should just go out with a simple tee shirt and long pants, since I dont have the tiao jian to wear shorter pants. When I knew that I had lost 2.4 kg, I came home excitedly to tell her that I couldn't believe I was so fat last year and that I was happy to shed off that amount of weight. She looked at me and said, "then now u think u not fat meh?"

I'm losing everything. I'm losing the freedom that I once enjoyed in my childhood. I'm losing the enjoyment of going out with them on Saturday nights, which I once enjoyed. I'm losing the thought of having a wishlist, because I know she'd most probably say no. I'm losing the happiness of having her around to accompany me. I'm losing the care and concern that I should have from her. I'm losing the rights of how a child should be pampered ocassionally by their parents. Most importantly, I'm worried that if this continues, I would gradually lose my love for her.

I know I'm not a good daughter but surely..it wouldnt hurt to say something to make me happy once in a while? For once, to stop saying that whatever I want to buy means wasting money, for once, to not put me down with comments like I'm fat or dun have nice legs, even though I know I don't. For once, to stop telling me to do housework on Saturdays which are so precious to us students to rest.

For the first time, I feel like I'm being controlled. Where is the freedom I once enjoyed when I was young? Maybe this is the reason that drives me to work harder this year. Working harder would give me an excuse not to have to talk to her. Study more, because that keeps me busy and away from such thoughts. Exercise more, because I am fat and I don't look good. Do more housework, iron my own uniform every week, clean my own room, mop the floor and clean the computer, even though she's a housewife. Don't get me wrong, it's not that I'm spoiled and unwilling to help out. It's the feeling that even your own mum doesn't understand how tired you are, to let u rest and be rid of such chores that hurts. Haven't tried that, have you? To have a mum who doesn't understand and all.

I won't be surprised if I get more and more down these days. Probably in the next entry I'd say that I'm emo already. I really...don't know. I wasn't prepared for this day. I never thought it would come. But it has.

2008-01-04T17:37:00.000-08:00

Yo ppl. (Yo ho yo ho the pirate's life for me)

It's a fine Saturday morning and I just came back from a morning run. Woke up at about 840, then I decided to go running. I had wanted to go running all holiday, but I didn't! Perhaps it was cos of pe lesson yesterday? Tan made us run two rounds and while I was running I realised my stamina had went down alot, but nevertheless I love the feeling of having sweat all over after you finish running. That means CALORIES BURNT! Wahaha! Anyway, it may be due to that, or it may be due to yesterday's height and weight measurement. Okay i didn't grow any taller so you girls out there can stop cursing, but I did slim down! By 2.4 kg! That's quite alot to me! I didn't even think that I had slimmed down at all. Haha. So, I wanted to keep it up till I met my target weight. Initially (when I hadn't lost any weight), my goal was to shed off 5.6kg. Now, I'm 3.2 kg away from it! AHHH! Better work harder.

As a start I'm eating lesser than I used to. It kind of works I guess because although I did feel a bit hungry in the holidays, I soon got used to it and my appetite has really became smaller. So I eat alot less now but yet I don't really feel hungry. That's good news!

Btw, my BMI is a freaking 18.4! It used to be 16+ okay!

Ok ok I better stop talking about my weight.

So far, we've had two days of lessons and yet I'm already feeling the pressure. Ok, half of the pressure is caused by myself because I didn't complete my holiday homework so I'm chiong-ing now. Nevertheless, I'm sure everybody can already sense the pressure and all that's coming up. For a start, my class is super suay because I've asked around and even classes like 4J whose timetable ended about the same time as us last year gets to go home early this year! (Their latest release time is 2+!) Even 4A doesn't have to stay back as late as us! (Even though I think they would on their own accord) Anyway, my class has to stay till 5pm on every Thurs for bicultural! That sucks! Rah!

On Thurs which was the first day of actual lessons, I pia-ed home and reached at about 6pm. Then, I went on to shower and eat my dinner and continued to pia the overdue and new homework. Piaed till about 11, slept at 1130. But I must say that I've proven to myself that I'm able to pia homework as well if I wish to. Completed quite alot of work in that few hours.

I don't have any new year resolutions this year but I am definitely going to push myself harder. Last year's GPA was not good at all, it was only a borderline pass! Definitely have to work harder man, for subjects like Math and Bio. Which I'm extremely weak in. Hmm. But I think for subjects like Clit, Geog and Bicultural, I hope to be able to use them to pull my grades up. Though they weren't that bad last year, I defintely didn't push myself to the max. This year I hope to be able to!

So I've got to pia more and stop getting distracted by the stupid computer. Hmm. The feeling of pia-ing is tiring but it also gives you a sense of achievement because you know your time was spent wisely. It's like making your days very chong1 shi3. Have to work harder! And stop feeling so tired all the time.

Another important point to note is that I've to prevent myself from falling sick all the time! I know I have an extremely weak body because I fall sick ever so often. So I've to try to make myself healthier!

Hmm, that's it I guess. Nothing much to blog already. Haha. Except that I'm still pretty not used to the new uniform. It's like so ACJC pls! Rah. RV is still the same. Nothing much to say le..bye!

2007-12-26T08:39:00.000-08:00

Fuck.
What's up with the world.
I just don't feel good.

娛樂百分百-過年小狗篇(SHE)-2

2007-12-14T15:29:00.001-08:00

For people who think I'm crazy pls watch this video 4:00 to 5 : 23. Or u can watch the whole video if you want. Haha. Highly recommended!

2007-12-13T21:02:00.001-08:00

Wow I am surprised that I am updating so much.

Anyway, I must say that I am starting to dislike people who employ maids at home. I know that by saying this I may have already made some of you out there annoyed but come on, from what I see and hear of, people who employ maids at home are more or less spoiled.

Even worse, there are others who do not employ maids at home but treat their mothers like one.

Although I am not exactly "not spoiled at all", I guess there are others who are far worse than me.

The point is

IF YOU ARE SPOILED AT HOME, THEN YOU SHOULD ALREADY BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF. BUT IF YOU THINK YOU CAN ACT THE SAME WAY OUTSIDE, THEN YOU ARE REFLECTING VERY BADLY OF YOURSELF AND YOUR FAMILY.

I know the reflecting part totally sounded like when the school tries to discipline us. But that is besides the point.

Honestly attending chalets in the holidays has made me 大开眼界. How is it possible that some people can be so spoiled even if they are outside? Like in a chalet for example. I recall during last year's 2I chalet, the moment I stepped into the shower I was utterly disgusted by the water that was some 4 inches up my ankles. Not to mention the water was dirty and had already turned yellow by the time so many people took turns to shower. HELLO?! How is it possible that the people in front of me were able to shower in such a condition? Is it so difficult to pick up all the hair that is blocking the drainage system? I mean yes, it is a bit disgusting knowing that it is other people's hair, but come on somebody has to do it right? If not the shower would have been flooded long ago! Or maybe, if everyone was considerate enough then they would pick up the hair or whatever else that they left behind after showering. And for goodness sake comb your hair in the toilet (not in front of the mirror) lest your hair fall onto the floor all over. Again, is it so difficult to pick up the hair that is stuck onto your comb/brush and throw it away into the bin or somewhere else where other people will not see it? Gosh!

I am sure there are certain times where everyone has experienced this before. Like how you were the only one who bothered to help out with something or clear up after everyone else while the rest were still enjoying themselves somewhere. Then you'd think to yourself how is it possible that everyone else cannot be bothered at all?

Another example would be that I do not understand why it is always the same people helping to start the fire/cook the food. Sure, everyone helps to prepare the food by like what? Opening the food and defrosting it? Come on, that is way easier than standing in front of the fire and cooking the food. How can some people just sit in the chalet and enjoy themselves in the aircon while others are helping out to start the fire/cook the food? Then they'd conveniently come out to eat when the food is cooked. That is so spoiled can. Alright I admit I'm sometimes a bimbo who refuses to stand in front of the fire but hey, I always help out with other things that others refuse to help with. Like marinating the chicken wings in the toilet. Or cleaning up all the water that is left in the toilet so that it would not be so wet when you step into it.

Enough said about how spoiled certain people can get during chalets/outside of home.

How about at home? I know different parents have a different way of teaching their children but sometimes I cannot stand it when I hear of how my friends lifestyles are like at home. For those who have a maid at home/treat their parents like one, obviously they lead a good life but come to think of it, that is not necessarily good is it? I cannot imagine, how some people at this age still do not know how to do certain household chores such as mopping the floor/cleaning furniture/doing the dishes. Or maybe you might argue that you do know just that you have never helped out before. But its the same isn't it?

Okay I admit that whenever my mum tells me to do those stuff I'd groan and all that but after hearing about how others never bother to help out at home, I have come to realise that it is for my own good. Some may wonder why I am so independent. I mean, I can do on my own with both my parents out of Singapore and it's not like it helps alot when you have a sister who returns at 11+ pm every day. Alright so I cooked instant meals on my own but hey, I bet alot of you can't even do that. Not trying to show off or whatever here, but yeah. it really IS hard to imagine how spoiled some people can get. Like how you can't even clean your own room (not that my room is clean but I'm supposed to clean it on my own) or do the dishes when you see the sink full. Zzz.

I think I am spoiled to an extent too. At least my sister was able to cook eggs and sausages for breakfast and fried rice for lunch for all of us while my parents were away. I can only cook instant noodles and canned soup and spagetti for myself. Rah! I guess I'll have to learn sooner or later.

Alright I finished ranting about my displeasures about how some people can continue behaving like they're spoiled even outside. I cannot imagine how it would be like to be stuck with these people in an environment where you'd have to survive on your own. Like maybe OBS? Tsk. Or worse, imagine being in Survival with them! Gosh, they won't even help out with the BBQ and cook their own food or pick up the hair in the toilet when they have 4 inches of water up their ankles. Can you imagine what'd happen if you're stuck with them? Like, maybe when they no longer have their maids/parents/any other people with them they'd die. They're far too spoiled for their own good. Tsk.

2007-12-12T03:55:00.000-08:00

Omg I have a grand total of 91 facial masks at home. Bought from my dad from china. LOL! And yes, they have moisturising and whitening effect. Damn important to me okay!

2i' 06 chalet!

2007-12-11T19:43:00.001-08:00

Alright (you know which tone) I shall blog about the 2i chalet since wee and ying has asked me to. Haha.

Since they have alr listed down the events chronologically (spelling?) I shall not do so. But I'll talk about certain times that got me laughing so hard my phlegm came back looking for me. Eh, I'll try to remember them chronologically (sp?) as well.

1) FAG

In case you were wondering, FAG stands for Free Admission Gang. Which is only made up of 2 ppl, Yan Peng and me. But later we found out Zihao is qualified to join in too. Haha. It means that the three of us were allowed into the chalet without having to pay the one dollar that you have to pay. I swear the security guard who was on duty totally flirted with Yan Peng!! He told her to give him our room number in ten seconds and we could go in for free. And he totally 耍帅 later when Yan Peng was about to read out our room number lah. He just suddenly came and chop our hands and then he walked away to his friend and said "Go". LOL!! That's so totally not shuai and cool at all lar!! Then me and YanPeng were quite stunned..haha. And I asked her if 这是他耍帅的一部分。

2) Smackjack, 99 and other card games

LOL!! Smackjack outside our chalet room at 9am!! At first there was only me ying wee yanpeng qiyuan. Then the guys came out to watch. After a while they decided to join in too!! So there was calvin zeming and chern yi who joined in. Smackjack is a totally funny game pls. I'm so glad I learned the game during dance chalet haha. Apparently wee and chern yi are the ultimate laggers. Lmao. Calvin not bad, didn't really lag alot as a beginner. HAHAH. Can't really rmb about zeming, but I think he was alright too. Anyway, we soon found out that the Queen cards (in particular the diamonds) look totally like GUO FEI LI larh! Then we said that Jacks look like Ah Du and Kings, Nelson! hahaha we had a really fun time laughing and zi highing among ourselves larh..

Then we went to arcade and again some funny things happened. We decided to try para para and DDR which totally sucked!! Haha. Quite funny too..

We went back to the room and 99 was like fun too!! It's super jin zhang larh. Then whenever we throw out a pic card to save ourselves we will shout out QU SI LARH GUO FEI LI ARH!!! Hahahaha damn funny.

3) TONGKAT TONGKAT

Ok although I did not play this game I found it super funny to watch. I mean, watching wee teach the game. HAHAHAH. Eh come on larh she totally had no image okay. Her TONGKAT TONGKAT was damn hilarious. Oh and her tuki tuki too. The way she explained the game got ALL of us laughing till we had stomach pain. Spastic larh!

4) Acting as Wee's Father while she was trying to finish smackjack

HAHHAHA all of us had a particular accent while talking. Lmao. I am Wee's father and I open this eatery selling our culture's food. Lmao. She was caught by me with a man at queenstown swimming centre. LMAO. Alright inside joke. And I know all about calvin and his wife and his lover. Oh and someone bring me my coconut oil!!

5) BBQ

In case you were wondering its not really about what we talked about during the BBQ [in fact that kind of made us pissed] that was funny. It was the fact that we were super cheapskate and on a budget larh! I was like shocked to see that the food we had was so little pls! We only had like hot dogs, taiwan sausages, seaweed chicken, crab meat (which I now realise that I didn't eat at all), chicken nuggets! And we were so cheapskate until we didn't even wanna get new girlls (only 3.95 each at cheers) so we recycled the ones used by 3F the night before. hahaha!! So we had a super healthy version of BBQ because we put aluminium foil over the grill and it was super slow to get the food cooked. We didn't have sotong balls larh!! Wth!! Oh and we also had prawns and chicken wings prepared by chern yi as well but were kind of left untouched because it took Qiyuan eons to cook just that few prawns. And by the time everyone left after eating the rain had started again so it was kind of impossible to cook the prawns and chicken wings since they'd take a looooooooooong time. Sorry chernyi for preparing the food! we feel bad not eating the food larh..

After the BBQ we showered and stuff. Then we talked for a while and slept. Ok I got like the worst position ever but yeah I did manage to sleep for a while larh. Haha.

6) Talking to the guys in the morning while listening to songs

Apparently they listened to Jenny like 3 times. Then Calvin loves listening to horny songs by Craig David and I rmb sewei wanted to listen to breaking benjamin alot. haha. That part was like quite funny esp the part where we told calvin why let the flames begin got me and yp laughing so hard. Haha. And Zihao sings while sleeping!! haha.

Hmm I guess that's about it? We went to have BK breakfast after that...haha 1.95 again, cheapo us!

Ok that's all I have to say about the chalet..It's kind of the best chalet I been to this year because everyone can only gather once in a year for chalet..Although some ppl who should've came didn't, and some ppl who should've stayed didn't, it was overall fun and of cos we had alot of good memories...I miss 2i alr!! We must have another gathering/outing before school reopens!! Sewei suggested k box, I don't mind! We can get totally high and LMAO larh! Or we can have like xmas gathering? Or maybe gather to count down to new year tgt..haha. Zeming's hse? Yeah come on we need to organise another outing!!

2007-12-04T02:32:00.000-08:00

Ahem. This post is here so that I will not have a dead blog.

Hey, I'm making the effort to update okay!

So, as u may have noticed, my blog is getting more and more un-interesting as compared to sec 1. hoho. I do not blog with pictures because...I HAVE A PHONE THAT HAS A LOUSY CAMERA. But no sweat, I'm about to get my w580i already! WOOO new phone! So yeah, I'll have a 2 megapixel camera in my phone and not to mention, mp3. I know this is not very li hai lah hor, but it's good enough for me and I'm happy to finally get a good phone with camera and mp3. My mp3 died like, thousands of years ago. Gotta emphasize again, do not trust creative!! And yes, I'll start blogging with pictures once I get my new phone alright?

Aha, and as you may already have expected, obviously my homework is left undone.

WOO I'm so so so excited about my HK trip! It's been 3 years since we had a family holiday (the last one to Thailand in pri 6) so of course I'm excited! Plus this time, Vernon and my dear are going with us so its gonna be more interesting! Oh, and I've repeated this so many times but yeah, I'm super thrilled about going to Disneyland! Okay, I have a super childish inner child. Ahaha. Hey, it's not every time that you get to celebrate xmas at Disneyland right? Hop on to their website if you don't believe me, it absolutely sounds beautiful and definitely a magical and enchanting experience! Plus, their xmas celebrations only last from 23rd dec to 2nd jan, and we're going there on the 23rd! Woo! Lucky lucky! (Oh and because my dear is a dinosaur who is afraid of going on the rides, I shall have to either force him to go on the rides with me, or I can continue laughing at him. Hahaha. But hey, come to think of it, I think I'd rather spend time queueing up to take a photo with Mickey and friends. Haha! )

Fine fine, I shall stop talking about my hk trip already. Oh and before I forget, I'm thrilled about the food there too. Yummy dim sum and desserts! I'll post pictures up after we return!

Hmm..lets see. What have I been doing in the holidays?

Nothing much, painting my nails (and sometimes painting for my sis and mum too), and watching videos from youtube. Please go and watch 斗牛要不要 people! I dun like Liwei, Mike and Hebe all the way man!! If you dun feel like watching, at least listen to 最近还好吗 by S.H.E ok! Super nice!

I'm a noob and my phlegm just keeps getting stuck at my throat. Hello?! How long more do you wanna stay there?

Yay yay class chalet and outing coming up! Oh and also noobs club outing!

Eh, I'm not that thrilled about christmas leh. Okay I am, about the going to Disneyland part only. Probably because I don't really see the true meaning behind celebrating it since I'm not christian. plus, my family don't really have the habit of buying gifts so yeah, basically there's nothing much to be excited about. I don't really understand why everybody's getting into the xmas mood. haha.

More magnolia choc milk please! It's super nice! I totally condemn HL choc milk. Not that it's not nice, but it cannot hold a candle to magnolia! I think HL costs $2.75 per litre, while magnolia costs $3.30 okay!

Aha. Should I change my nail colour soon? I think I'll change it on Friday. So I'll have a new colour on chew's wedding. haha.

Oh and I didn't blog about liuliu's ROM! ahaha he was super nervous can? it was super sweeeeeeeeeet! Oh and the bride almost cried after he sang tong hua for her. awwwwwwwww man.

On another random note, Baby is getting fatter and he thinks he can continue begging for food just by acting cute. What a dog.

Hmm I must say that I haven't been eating alot these few days (as compared to usual) due to my cough. Maybe it's a good thing afterall. Can seize the opportunity to lose weight. Ahaha.

Alright, I'm off. For now. Haha. Who knows when will be the next time I blog. Zzz.

Happy 16 months : )
luv ya

2007-11-19T20:43:00.000-08:00

Wahaha I am here yet again to revive my blog. Which will be dead again after this entry I suppose.

Life has been a bore in the holidays...ok it wasn't as bad as I imagined but yes, it is still a bore. Had the first two weeks of extra lessons just like everyone else...then followed by one whole week of hardcore DANCE! 9 - 4 everyday, was the most painful week ever in my whole cca life in 3 years. Like what shuhui said, "三年来最痛的一次！" Even worst than syf period man!

Hmm then this week nothing much too I guess, except that there's dance chalet tmr till friday. Haha. My first time going dance chalet man. Seems like every year's sec 3 will go.

I think last Saturday was interesting so I shall blog about it haha.

Had lunch with my ah ma and two uncles at clementi, along with my parents of course. After that my mum wanted to go to Ikea tampines to take a look at kitchen cabinets. Turned out that we didn't buy the cabinet, but other [pretty useless] stuff instead. BUT I bought something very useful, yet that one thing is enough to get me breaking down. Obviously, there is nothing quite as powerful as the WEIGHING SCALE/MACHINE/WHATEVER YOU CALL IT. gosh. Been ages since we got one that is working properly. Now I gotta watch my weight! I'm gonna put it in my room man. FIGHT THE FATS GO GO GO!!!

haha. And I bought something else that I like too! Totals up to $29, which is alot for something not very useful [at least in my parents' opinion]. But I like it alot okay! My xiao mian mian! Wahaha!

After that, we went to the food exhibition at expo! Super crowded as expected, with loads of uncles and aunties! It's like horrible man, must squeeze with the people and be cheapskate to get the samples la! Haha. Act we weren't that cheapskate, we ended up buying alot of food to eat okay! Though most of them were sold cheaper. Act, the thing about sampling is that they give u a very small portion so you think that it's very nice when you eat it. But in act fact, when you eat the actual portion it doesn't seem as nice afterall. hoho. its true okay!

Then on Sunday, we went to eat XO fishhead bee hoon at holland village. Guess what! I got 'drunk' after that. I know it seems very kua zhang because the amount of wine they put inside must be pathetic, but still! My head hurt and it was pretty 'floaty' for me. And my neck was starting to burn inside man. Yucks! I hate the feeling after you drink alcohol, though I haven't really done that before since i'm not supposed to take alcohol [skin prob]. Anyway, my parents said my face was really red. Haha and I forced my dad to take a pic for me. Zzz man. Whoever heard of someone getting this feeling just by eating bee hoon!

Anyway, I watched Goong again. No idea why I did that. LOL. I did cross stitch while watching! And I skipped all the boring parts zzz.

Okay, nothing to blog liao. That's how boring my life is anyway! Haha. I think u guys will take like one week to realise i updated anyway. Nobody comes to this place!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

2007-10-27T17:20:00.001-07:00

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

WHAT AM I DOING AWAKE AT 8.15 AM ON A SUNDAY MORNING?!

GOODNESS, HOLIDAYS JUST STARTED MAN. I NEED MY SLEEP!!!

BUT

I was awoken by a sudden uproar of music and cheers from downstairs, and then followed by a series of songs that was like, BEAUTIFUL GIRL FROM SEAN KINGSTON (my sis is right, that song gets irritating man), Fergie's Big Girls Don't Cry and Kayne West's Stronger. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR. So I tried to go back to sleep, of course. BUT I COULDN'T.

So I woke up, and went over to the window so I could have a good look for myself what the hell was going on. Turned out to be some stupid healthy exercise day of the whatever west cluster sai. Wah kao, big scale man. Damn a lot of ppl wearing red and white, and LOADS OF BUSES BRINGING MORE PEOPLE IN. Hell, they even have people wearing bright green stuff patrolling around (u know your road safety monitors back in pri sch? yeah something like that)

Oh crap. And then they turned on the irritating music that woke me up AGAIN. It's some stupid great singapore workout. And I swear the woman who was speaking into the bloody system totally should just be sacked from the job. She needs han yu pin yin classes!

义二三世五六气拔
鹅二三四五刘气拔...

And so it went on. I swear, every line there's a different way of pronouncing the words. PLEASE man.

Oh I just heard that there's free food and goodie bags to be given out FOR FREE. Since they woke me up I might as well go down and get it man. Cheapskate abit.

BLOODY SOMEONE SHUT THAT PERSON UP I CAN'T EVEN HEAR MY OWN SONGS IN PEACE.

HELPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP

Fuck the menstrual cramps.

2007-10-18T20:54:00.000-07:00

Alright so I've decided to blog after what seems like years. But I predict my blog will be dead again not long after. Haha. Shall only blog when I feel like it.

Anyway, I had to miss out on Nicole and Lerae's birthday celebration today. Am still having a sore eye and not to mention MENSTRUAL CRAMPS. It is killing me. I wonder why I have cramps now since I didn't use to have them. Hmm. I think the pain is enough to make any female feel like "damn i'm gonna be a male my next life". -.-" Okay, moving on.

Got to know of something from him yesterday. I must say that I feel for her, but then again I am reminded of what she did. What happened was her fault, no denying that. Oh well.

Okay so it's like the end of the year already. This might sound cliche as always but I do have a lot of mixed feelings about this year. There has been many changes that took place this year. A new class, new people, new attitude. It's been an eye-opener for me too, knowing of the many things that people did. Sometimes I wonder, why is it that they are like that? Other times, I wonder why certain things happened. Perhaps if I did not do a certain thing, or if I did do certain things, then maybe it would not lead to another event happening.

I pretty much dislike this year, although this has been a happening year. Many things happened and the year past by without much enjoyment and fun. I miss my dear 2I. Sec 3 is definitely not a fun year.

How I wish, we could remain as 2I sometimes. It's not that I dun feel anything for my present class, just that...the environment really isn't for me.

Oh well, I'm mind blocked. Many things I feel, remember, and wanna say. But just can't seem to put them into words.

Less than a week more to O's. Good luck to all who are sitting for the examinations! =)

AND I'M STILL DYING FROM CRAMPS. WHY DO WE HAVE TO GO THROUGH THIS EVERY MONTH. I MIGHT AS WELL JUST GET MARRIED NOW SINCE I HAVE TO SUFFER LIKE THAT EVERY MONTH ANYWAY. Then might as well put that suffering into something that I'd enjoy, rite? Like getting married now and having children and being a tai tai. So I can stop being a student and avoid irritating subjects like math and bio.

Ok I realise that paragraph was really childish but that's what I really think. Zzzz.

CRAMPS YOU SUCK. I DUN LIKE U SO GO AWAY. IT IS SO PAINFUL I FEEL AS IF IT IS GRAVITY THATS SUCKING ALL THE BLOOD DOWN. RAHHHH OKAY AND AS ALWAYS I FEEL AS IF MY ZI GONG IS GONNA EXPLODE. RAHHH WHATEVER.

2007-08-26T05:16:00.000-07:00

Hoho. This is a weekend worth celebrating for because there is finally no homework. Even my parents were shocked.

This post is totally random. I'm just throwing in random facts so bear with me.

1) HSK briefing tmr for 3 hours?! "Please" man.

2) PIA ZUI DONG CUM NOOB CLUB ROCKS. Haha. LAI PIA ZUI ARH. Stupid woman.

Never mind, I shall endure because I am good willed and I do not want bad karma. haha.

3)Pple pls do not watch 881 unless you're really into ge tai, which means gay props and costumes that remind me strongly of ah gua shows in Thailand.

4)Su Lao Shi said that I gained weight. HELP.

5) I realised I can be quite a da xiao jie in some aspects. Haha.

6) I am totally a slacker this year. Oh man how am I to survive through next year? (If i can even promote to next year)

7) I love doing bimbotic stuff once in a while, like facial masks and buffing nails.

8) I cannot stop eating! My dad is totally tempting me with all the food that he buys. He is always scared that I am hungry, and even after telling him NOT to buy bubble tea, he still buys it! And if I don't drink then it's wasting food and drinks! How am I to lose weight like that?! P.S one cup of bubble tea has 8 spoons of sugar!

9) I realise I become lazy to run after the napfa test period. During that time I was more keen on running, although I am still considered lazy. Haha. But it wasn't as bad.

10) I love organising stuff for others, although my own room is super messy. I love to pack stuff for others, like helping jazz organise her worksheets and stuff. Hahahaha. Okay I'm weird. I don't mind helping ppl organise their worksheets so if you need help can tell me. Ahahah.

2007-08-19T03:36:00.001-07:00

Okay I think I better post something before my blog becomes too dead.

Some random thoughts after watching 天冷就回来.

Our relationship with others. It changes over time. People lose contact with others, get too busy to update each other on their lives, or it just simply takes a change due to things that happen over time, whether big or small. It can be quite a sad thing actually. But it's just inevitable and part and parcel of life.

You know how there is this dumb friendship/relationship meter in the sims? Talking more to another character increases your friendship with them. If only life was that simple. Over time, we've learned to be more careful of what we say to others. It is no longer that "We're best friends so we shouldn't have any secrets kept unknown to each other" kind of thing anymore. Sometimes, you don't really feel like telling your v close friend about certain things, not because you are not willing to, but simply because that person acts as if he/she doesn't care at all. So why bother? It is tiring to maintain a relationship with other ppl, whether BGR, kinship or even friendship. It takes more than just talking to do the job. It requires time, sincerity, empathy, and of course many other factors.

One thing that irks me the most is the feeling of knowing that your friend would not be there for you when something happens. Like, no one is willing to listen to you. Sure, they'll "listen" to you rant but they will not be able to understand how you feel truely. They don't bother giving u advice or ask you how you're feeling. They're just too busy with their own things. Like school stuff maybe. Is it reality that has shaped us to become like that? Perhaps it's not our fault, but the world and reality is so complicated. Yes, the pace of life is this fast. Everyone is afraid of lagging behind. Hence everyone grows to be more selfish and all slowly. No one would really have the time/energy to be there for you.

Yet when love exists, it is the sweetest thing yet. Your parents are always there for you, because they love you. True friends don't always exist for everyone, but you'll love the feeling of having best friends when you know you really do. Needless to say, your other half is always the one you can turn to.

Although we're living in such a fast paced society, remember to always treat others with sincerity. Because that's the only way you will get love from others in return. Things would be so much colder if love didn't exist.

2007-08-10T18:51:00.000-07:00

haha since aixin has said that my posts are all very long, i shall post a short one. qiyuan told me this ytd and i felt it made a lot of sense.

what's yours will be yours.
so yeah, what won't be yours will not be.
if so why is she still being so gross.
pls give me a break. i dun want anything to change anymore.
let me have everything back.

Is life unfair/fair?

2007-07-28T02:00:00.001-07:00

I don't know why but I was thinking about this on my way back from the mrt station. Is life fair or unfair?

Sometimes, when you're in such bad luck or in a foul mood, you think to yourself, why do others lead a better life than me? why am I so suay? Like how some people are born with such good brains they don't even have to study and can get good results. Or rather, they are so hardworking and intelligent they can just do it, while people like me can't. That was how I felt for the past few days while mugging for my test.

But then again, if you think about it, life can be fair too. Nobody can have everything. Someone may be good in studies as well as CCA or whatever, but he may not be able to excel in other expects, such as having good EQ and good friends. That person may suck at handling relationships with others, so what's the point of having such high IQ?

And if you think about it even more, there can never be a basis of comparison between you and others. You are born in a totally different environment as others. Nobody lives the exact same life as you, no one is born with the same parents and go through the same thing every day. If you envy the rich people, think about the people who are suffering in other countries, such as the poor kids in Africa who are starving. (they may be scared by the ooga oogas as well!)

And if you are ever stressed by studies, think about the people who don't even have the opportunity to receive education. They are not even sure they can survive if they're down with diseases or going through some kind of famine.

Of course, the rich ppl are like qian bian as well. Everyone envies them. They do not need to work and can enjoy all the luxuries. But have u ever watched shows showing how the kids who are born in a rich family who are unable to have care from their parents? Like, their parents are so busy they hardly have any chances to spend time with their kids. I don't know how accurate this is, but I'm sure to a certain extend it can be true. So what's the point of having everything in the world but unable to get close to even your family, who is supposed to be the ones you can turn to at any time?

So I guess you can never really compare yourself to others, although we can't help but do so most of the time. But I feel that you can never compare yourself with others, because everyone is different. You may lack what others have, but at the same time they envy you for certain things as well. So just appreciate what you have. Anything at all. Like being able to LMAO or eat all the good food. Others may not even have the opportunity to do so.

Random entry, but yeah just some thoughts. Haha.

2007-07-08T02:30:00.000-07:00

My apologies for not updating for so long, but life has been extremely tiring and stressful for me ever since school reopened.

Firstly can I just say that the entire june holidays were taken up by the taiwan trip, although we were only there for two weeks? Before that, we had to prepare, and after we came back, we had to take time to settle down again and all. One trip, and we have so much work to do before and after that.

And before we even had time to rest school starts again. Wow, I can't believe it but it's been two weeks since school reopened and I haven't been home before 8pm yet. These two weeks have been so tiring and time really flew. These are times when I wished there were more than 24 hours a day so we can have more time to sleep! First week was spent on SYF opening ceremony and right after that, we have the taiwan buddies to take care of.

For these two weeks my mood was totally cranky and everything just pissed me off. Let's just say that I get cranky once I'm tired and stressed. It's kind of like my nature? Or maybe everyone's. The school totally sucks. We have so much homework and shit to go through everyday. Wow and three tests next week when we have taiwan buddies to take care of? And when they're leaving only on Sunday? Do they know how tiring it is for us to return home as late as 10+ pm just so that we can take the buddies around? And wow, we can't rest the moment we go home, because we still have bloody homework to do. I dun think alot of us were very keen on bringing our buddies around because we are so bloody tired out ourselves. Wow and when we tell the teachers about all these they just dun care. Or rather they pretend to understand but they tell us they cannot do anything about it and then add on that teachers are just as busy as us. Oh wow really. Pardon me if I'm wrong but that's your job and you chose to be a teacher and you earn out of it. That's just your responsibility isn't it? Which reminds me, isn't it a trend among teachers and students to like battle against each other? I know it's quite weird to say it like this, but if you think about it carefully, it is true isn't it? Like the teachers will give us homework and all that, and when we students finally had enough of all that crap we just refuse to hand in or at least some of the more rebellious and vocal ones will not give a damn. And the teachers are then angry that we are rebellious and then they reprimand us and give us even more homework and the whole cycle repeats again. I mean students nowadays are hard to teach. That I admit. But sometimes I guess we really have the rights to say what we feel. Especially when school is bloody taking away our life.

Alright I shall move on to the taiwan buddies part. I guess this batch of students who came are not well mannered at all. So we were quite turned off by them? Why bother going through so much and sacrificing our sleep for people who don't even say thank you or offer to pay for themselves. Luckily for me my buddy is not like that. But after hearing some of the stories of other people's buddies, I must say that if I were them I'd have been super relieved that my buddy is gone today. They think we owe them all these? Having to pay and all that. At least be appreciative and show manners, even if they do not want to do that to us, but at least our parents? I'm quite disgusted by the attitudes of some of them. We may have not been enthu and all that on the taiwan trip, but hey at least we were well mannered, that I'm sure. And I guess I agree with jazz that it not only depends on us, the hosts, but definitely also on the buddies to make such an exchange programme successful. Who the heck would want to keep talking to someone who doesn't even bother replying/looking at you. And when they just expect you to pay for them and dun even say thank you. Come on we dun owe them anything. If singapore turns u off so much just stay at home okay.

Okay this entry was just for me to rant a little. I finaly have time to sit down and type all these out. Well I guess it's going to be very noob for not going to OBS. Definitely going to miss out on alot of fun. But still, thinking on the bright side, at least I can stay home and rest. I feel quite bad for not spending time with my family like I did last time. I don't want them to have the feeling that I only return home just to sleep at night. I don't even have much time to talk to them anymore, to have a hearty chat and like share my experiences in school with them.

Alright I have to catch up on my homework now. So many things due tmr. I'm so dead man.

2007-06-25T08:41:00.000-07:00

Hello everybody.

How was your first day of school?

Well, mine was pretty funny. In the morning I thought I'd die very badly today.

1) I did not do my bio assignment AT ALL. The whole assignment was new in the morning.

2) I did not do math at all as well. Even if I wanted to, I wouldn't know how to. Combined math lecture with 3I. Choy Ban Heng. Not a good idea.

3) We did not do our ERIL at all. Worse still, have to redo.

So I thought, with all these, today would probably be one of the worst days ever. After all, I was pretty guai afterall and would try to complete my homework, or at least copy something so that I have something decent looking enough to hand in. Woah I dont know what got over me this time round (or rather I think everybody) that so many people did not bother to do their homework this time round! HAHA!

Anyway, let's look at what happened instead :

1) Bio right in the morning. I expected to get some scolding or something from Mr See. My whole assignment was blank! Note : Not even my name written. Gosh. In the end, he walked to the 3D guys and gave up, saying that we just had to hand up the assignment by the end of the day. Or latest, tmr. So yeah. I was relieved. Haha.

2) Mr Liu came in and told us lecture starts only on Thursday. Meanwhile, he has to go through the holiday assignment. He walked around and I thought he was checking to see if we did our work. So I opened my mouth and said "Mr Liu I don't know how to do.." and then he stopped in front of Wayne and my table and asked him "You have?" (exercise book) and after seeing that I brought mine (he didn't know that I hadn't wrote anything inside ever since holidays started), he left. HAHA. As expected, he wouldnt scold. but I have to find a way to complete the assignment somehow. As usual. Damn it.

3) Ms Chew was absent, so -.-

HAHA. So I guess today wasn't that bad. Except that I had to pia bio assignment and ERIL the moment I got home. Which really wasn't that bad you know, felt frustrating and all, but like woah I can achieve so much in one day. Not bad. Hahaha!

Gross people

2007-06-22T22:10:00.001-07:00

Yo ppl. Okay I got rid of that ridiculous URL as requested by many. Haha. Anyway that was a total failure. Only had like 1 post and I think only wee saw it. HAHA.

Okay so my first post is about gross people. As in, people whom I think are gross. Obviously there are many types of people whom I think are gross, like flirts, CKP, people who do not spare a thought for others blah blah...the list just goes on. However, there's one type which I can think of right now.

Yesterday I was talking to a friend about someone. This someone, as I am very sorry to say, has changed from a very sweet person to somebody who actually disgusts us out. She is no longer the very close friend we once had. Which is really very unfortunate I know. But that is besides the point. The point is, she has forgotten about us, her best buddies who sticked with her throughout sec 1 and 2 once she went into a new class this year. Pardon us (that friend I talked to) if we are wrong, but we feel that she only sticks to those who can help her. Quoted from that friend, "her friends are her stepping stones."

I'm sorry to have to say this, but what the heck has gone wrong with her, we dunno. It is disappointing, really. I hate it when I start to dislike my friends. Let alone, someone who was that close to us. But I can't help it, really! It disgusts me, the fact that she only sticks to people who can ensure she isn't lonely in school (so that she have people to hang out with) or people who can aid her in her studies. I'm sorry I'm not strong academically. But I don't think that should be the reason to rob me of my friends. Note : I'm not being desperate for friends here, btw.

The thing is, I can't stand people who are like that. Like we can be such close jie meis for so long, and suddenly after we split classes that person doesn't even put in the least effort to remain close to us anymore.

Whatever, like I said, I'm not desperate for friends.

I'm just very very disappointed. And probably disgusted and disturbed by what she has became.