I don't know why I'm posting about this so late in the night, but I guess its at night that ppl start to emo, no?

Two things just happened (I can't say what) and they triggered me to ponder about certain things and I find myself starting to get emo once again.

So many questions and thoughts running through my mind now. About others, about society, about myself.

I'm having really random thoughts in my head that don't link with each other whatsoever, and I'm getting pretty troubled over all those silly thoughts. They are so freaking irritating.

I can't say I'm unhappy with my life right now, but there are really certain aspects of it that is starting to bug me. Cant be bothered to go into the details at all though I know ppl reading this right now will have no idea what I'm thinking about. Although they may get the feel of what I'm trying to say.

A big part of 2008 was spent emoing over him. I don't wanna do that anymore in 2009. Lol. But how difficult is that. I'm not the kind who loves easily. Its even harder for me to forget, once I do.

I don't want school to start because I don't want to have to live the same type of life. Restrictions everywhere. In school, the damn inflexible school rules, system and way of running things. A school life that's so predictable, so much to the extend that everyone seems to have more or less lost their motivation to try to fight for what we should be getting. What other jc students are enjoying. I don't want to hate going to school for the next two years. This might sound gross but really, I wanna enjoy learning. I want to have the passion to keep me going. I've never had that in me for the past 4 years, but I'm starting to see the light for this to happen in year 4. Maybe that's what they mean by maturing. But year 4 was too busy, too much of a rush. It was simply a battle against time. Now that we've selected our subject combinations I wanna make sure I enjoy the most out of what I've chosen for myself. Especially CSC and CLL. I even wanna attempt to feel something out of math instead of only hating it. I'm determined to improve in it. But I wonder, will I fall back and falter once I encounter the same things that all rvians are complaining about. The inflexible system. The fatigue. The lack of passion and motivation around in the school environment. This is making me all so sick. I wanna enjoy school life, and I'm already trying my best not to be cynical but its hard. So hard.

And there's the problem of personal life too. Once year 5 starts its not hard to imagine how fast time will past once again. I'm not sure that that's a good or hard thing, but one thing's for sure. Our youth is slipping past our hands. And I don't wanna look back thinking, when I was young, I could rmb nothing but going to rv and complaining about how boring school life was. And how busy it was that it left me with nothing in my personal life, away from school. It almost seems as if I can forsee the days to come along. The weekends whereby we'll be busy studying, me going for tuition, ppl wanting to spend more time with their families, to just enjoy abit of what they can't during weekdays...so busy they have no time for friends. It's almost impossible to have fun with friends outside of school once school starts. For a non school related purpose. And this sucks because we're teenagers now and friends are supposedly such an important aspect of our lives. Damn. Its not that I hate my family. But there are too many restrictions in the family, that sometimes one cannot take it no matter the purpose behind it. Teenage years are supposingly the most rebellious years, no? Increasingly I'm getting more and more irritated by the fact that I face so many restrictions in this family. I'm old enough and sensible enough to decide for myself, what I should or should not be doing. Sometimes it hurts to know that parents don't seem to trust you.

So many restrictions. Damn. Why does it seem as if people dun wanna give me a chance. School, family. I see little hope in bringing about much change. Change may not definitely be good, but I see that its about time I should bring about some changes. Its getting way too much of a routine, too much of an oppress for me. I need some space to breathe.