I don't know why but I had a sudden urge to blog.
I wonder if there's even anyone reading this pathetic blog. Well I don't care if there is or not. I realise everytime I have something really personal or critical, I don't blog about it. Because I think it's too personal - duh? As for being critical, that's because people judge. I don't deny being one of those annoying people who read others' blogs annonymously (I don't even know many of them personally) and have many remarks appearing in my head. But heck, that's how life works rite? We judge one another when we don't actually know them. So fuck it, I shall just express whatever I want here, if I feel like it.
Now that I've decided to do that, there are so many issues in my mind I don't know where to start from.
Maybe I should just start with something on my mind. Restrictions. It's been on my mind for soooooo long. It's like an old friend. Since a certain some time ago, I started to wonder. I started to know, what kind of a person I may be like and what I wanted to experience. I started to want. I gather I want to be someone with a happening life. Happening not in the conventional way but rather, someone to live a life that others would be envious about. You know, how we always go "I hate people who get scholarships" or "I hate people who are good in math and science." But deep down we actually have this feeling of envy? Yes, I want to break out from that. I want to be able to really say "Hey I suck at math but SO WHAT?" or "I love CSC and CLL but I'm just really too lazy to pick up the books to mug for exams." I want to be truthful to myself. I want to be able to fail with pride. But pride...that is a difficult word. I used to be able to fail every math test and laugh it off. Now, I try to talk about it as light heartedly as possible too - but it's more of a barrier. To avoid the awkward feel. To know that others are much better than you and that you want to pretend you are actually prefectly alright with that.
As much as I hate to admit it, I'm still stuck in the boundaries/restrictions of so many things. Results. The general consensus that grades matter. Pride. The feeling of knowing you would lose out to others when you actually don't want to. But it's not that I mind, if only the society didn't mind.
And thus I fall into a cycle. And it shapes who I become today. Feeling restricted all over. The invisible barrier between who I appear to be and who I really am. What I want/like to do and what I actually do. I am awfully and painfully aware of the fact that who I am today is not who I actually meant to be. I'm not someone who disapproves. I'm not someone who studies. I'm not someone who can't have fun.
Of course it's not that I'm not who I am at all today. But I wanna tear the walls down. I want to be me. And don't freaking tell me it is easy/possible because it isn't. I've been trying, and I'm still trying.
Trust me, it isn't easy.
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Thursday, June 11, 2009
It's been a long time since I blogged, once again.
Been soul searching these days. Alot. Wonderng about many things..
Was out to study with peiying for the past two days. I guess whenever we talk, we talk about issues that bother us. And it always makes me ponder about so many things...about myself.
Ming Chuen thinks I'm emo. But I don't think so. Then again, part of it is probably true. But only in certain aspects..
=======
我的心，是封闭的。
我可能比我想象中还骄傲。
哭泣，我很难做到。
快乐，我不是不愿意接受，只是一直不在我身边。
我不是个难搞的人。
内心真正的感受，没几个人知道。
我好想吃冰淇淋。
我是女生。
坚强了点。
....了解了吗？
Been soul searching these days. Alot. Wonderng about many things..
Was out to study with peiying for the past two days. I guess whenever we talk, we talk about issues that bother us. And it always makes me ponder about so many things...about myself.
Ming Chuen thinks I'm emo. But I don't think so. Then again, part of it is probably true. But only in certain aspects..
=======
我的心，是封闭的。
我可能比我想象中还骄傲。
哭泣，我很难做到。
快乐，我不是不愿意接受，只是一直不在我身边。
我不是个难搞的人。
内心真正的感受，没几个人知道。
我好想吃冰淇淋。
我是女生。
坚强了点。
....了解了吗？
Friday, April 24, 2009
Mood indicator
Ponned yesterday. Felt that I really needed a good, long sleep. The weather isn't helping either, my nose and eyes have been really sensitive and they keep leaking non-stop. So yes, I did feel a teeny weeny bit unwell.
Anyway, I've been thinking alot about human behavior these days.
Always wondered why I haven't been able to let go of the pressure within myself. Discussed about this topic for the longest time yet with some of my friends and classmates and I guess I am making some kind of improvement by hecking about certain things already. Like ponning school and dragging homework deadlines, although I guess many would say that I'm still quite..'pia' in a sense.
Let's move away from the usual boring topic of myself to something more interesting.
I popped a question to Ms Lee, our econs tutor on Tuesday. Asked her why she wears heels to school everyday. I know she is around every time I hear her heels clanking as she takes every step. The sound is distinct, yes, but it reminds me of how painful my feet are everytime I attempt to wear heels. She said it doesn't hurt for her but interestingly enough, she pointed out that shoes were an indicator of her mood. She wears flats when she isn't feeling that great and heels when her mood is better. Of course, my mind wasn't set on that topic as I began to get into the mood for the econs test later on that day.
My mind drifted back to this topic when I was walking my dog. You see, everytime I walk my dog I like to allow my mind to drift off to many things. Probably because it's the park and although the setting isn't really that great, it's still closer to nature. And that short period of 10 to 15 mins does help me to relax and keep my mind away from school, work etc. Especially when it's really a relief to walk my dog in the midst of rushing for revision for an exam the next day.
So I thought, everyone does have an indicator of how mood is. For women, we dress according to how we feel. Shoes, bags, outfits, make up etc are all indicators of how we feel. We cut our hair when we just experienced a break up. We eat tons of ice cream (forget about the calories already!) when we're feeling down. We don't bother to apply make up when we feel ugly - who has the patience to fight the war with colours when we're feeling all frustrated and angry deep under?
I guess the good thing about this whole "allowing something that you do everyday go wrong" behavior is that we're allowing ourselves to show our displeasure. Friends or even boyfriends who are sharp enough to observe these changes would know better than to make us feel worse if they spot changes.
Of course, I then questioned myself what MY indicator was. I came up with a few answers. I guess for me it was that I wouldn't bother to take care of my skin well. I am guilty of not washing my face and moisturizing it properly before I go to bed if I don't feel good at the end of the day. I wouldn't spend over 10 mins slapping on lotion to my body as well. Another point would be that I would not bother about my hairstyle if I wasn't feeling good that day. I wouldn't even care if my fringe was horrendously out of place - if I feel down, I feel ugly and therefore no matter what I do I still feel ugly.
Enough said for this entry. What's your mood indicator?
Anyway, I've been thinking alot about human behavior these days.
Always wondered why I haven't been able to let go of the pressure within myself. Discussed about this topic for the longest time yet with some of my friends and classmates and I guess I am making some kind of improvement by hecking about certain things already. Like ponning school and dragging homework deadlines, although I guess many would say that I'm still quite..'pia' in a sense.
Let's move away from the usual boring topic of myself to something more interesting.
I popped a question to Ms Lee, our econs tutor on Tuesday. Asked her why she wears heels to school everyday. I know she is around every time I hear her heels clanking as she takes every step. The sound is distinct, yes, but it reminds me of how painful my feet are everytime I attempt to wear heels. She said it doesn't hurt for her but interestingly enough, she pointed out that shoes were an indicator of her mood. She wears flats when she isn't feeling that great and heels when her mood is better. Of course, my mind wasn't set on that topic as I began to get into the mood for the econs test later on that day.
My mind drifted back to this topic when I was walking my dog. You see, everytime I walk my dog I like to allow my mind to drift off to many things. Probably because it's the park and although the setting isn't really that great, it's still closer to nature. And that short period of 10 to 15 mins does help me to relax and keep my mind away from school, work etc. Especially when it's really a relief to walk my dog in the midst of rushing for revision for an exam the next day.
So I thought, everyone does have an indicator of how mood is. For women, we dress according to how we feel. Shoes, bags, outfits, make up etc are all indicators of how we feel. We cut our hair when we just experienced a break up. We eat tons of ice cream (forget about the calories already!) when we're feeling down. We don't bother to apply make up when we feel ugly - who has the patience to fight the war with colours when we're feeling all frustrated and angry deep under?
I guess the good thing about this whole "allowing something that you do everyday go wrong" behavior is that we're allowing ourselves to show our displeasure. Friends or even boyfriends who are sharp enough to observe these changes would know better than to make us feel worse if they spot changes.
Of course, I then questioned myself what MY indicator was. I came up with a few answers. I guess for me it was that I wouldn't bother to take care of my skin well. I am guilty of not washing my face and moisturizing it properly before I go to bed if I don't feel good at the end of the day. I wouldn't spend over 10 mins slapping on lotion to my body as well. Another point would be that I would not bother about my hairstyle if I wasn't feeling good that day. I wouldn't even care if my fringe was horrendously out of place - if I feel down, I feel ugly and therefore no matter what I do I still feel ugly.
Enough said for this entry. What's your mood indicator?
Sunday, April 12, 2009
Disgusted, appalled - and what not
I am taking time off to blog because I can no longer stand it.
Being a member of my school is something that I am utterly disgusted by.
Firstly let me applaud the school's credit. No doubt, the curriculum here is heavy, and no matter how unorganized it is, it does, at the end of the day teach us many things. Content-wise, of course. Ruling out learning environment, way of studying among other things, the coursework itself is worthy of recognition. Of course, I am sure many will love to disagree in comparison with other schools but to be fair, my verdict is that my school has emphasised on academic work well. The teachers here are overall, hardworking and well prepared when it comes to lessons. Training for CCA is also relatively well and there are many other programmes designed to suit students who have expressed extraordinary interest or talent in certain subjects eg. the math talent class etc. Although many complain about how tiring PE lessons are, I beg to differ, however. Many who are not in CCAs which require movement may not exercise at all. To sum it all up, the school does fairly well in curriculum planning.
But that is about it all. Other than that I see no reason why I should be proud of my school.
The upper class people are a living contradiction. Learning DOES NOT take place purely out of interest and a right set of attitudes. Learning takes place because results have to be shown. And leaders are not picked based on merit and ability, but by their ability to abide to everything the school says. I do not wish to elaborate further on this as I see no point.
I am disgusted and appalled by how ugly man can become. The sins of humanity can be shown clearly in the school. Greed for more results. Total ignorance to how others feel. Applauding and recognising efforts ONLY if results are produced. Picking only the smart ones and always neglecting and putting down the weaker students.
I've had enough of this.
What happens to the education system when a school functions in this manner? When all the authority lies in the hands of those who are blind, and fail to see so many things. Lao Tse said that education and learning takes place through personal experience, and not by theory. Being in this school has taught us how to make everything sound good, and not put it into practice. Awards and results at the end of the day equate to efforts. Not quite a good equation, I should say. And I thought the big boss of it all excelled in math and economics?
Whoever said that Spore is free from corruption? Corruption need not take place involving only physical or monetary aspects. It takes place mentally as well. And that is why I smell a strong stench of rust, mould and what not everywhere in the school.
No doubt, I have to thank the authorities for giving me inspiration of what to think of everytime I dance our syf piece. Breaking out of conformities, huh?
One can only wonder why people say going through school gives students a taste of how society is like. I didn't say it applies to my school, did I?
Being a member of my school is something that I am utterly disgusted by.
Firstly let me applaud the school's credit. No doubt, the curriculum here is heavy, and no matter how unorganized it is, it does, at the end of the day teach us many things. Content-wise, of course. Ruling out learning environment, way of studying among other things, the coursework itself is worthy of recognition. Of course, I am sure many will love to disagree in comparison with other schools but to be fair, my verdict is that my school has emphasised on academic work well. The teachers here are overall, hardworking and well prepared when it comes to lessons. Training for CCA is also relatively well and there are many other programmes designed to suit students who have expressed extraordinary interest or talent in certain subjects eg. the math talent class etc. Although many complain about how tiring PE lessons are, I beg to differ, however. Many who are not in CCAs which require movement may not exercise at all. To sum it all up, the school does fairly well in curriculum planning.
But that is about it all. Other than that I see no reason why I should be proud of my school.
The upper class people are a living contradiction. Learning DOES NOT take place purely out of interest and a right set of attitudes. Learning takes place because results have to be shown. And leaders are not picked based on merit and ability, but by their ability to abide to everything the school says. I do not wish to elaborate further on this as I see no point.
I am disgusted and appalled by how ugly man can become. The sins of humanity can be shown clearly in the school. Greed for more results. Total ignorance to how others feel. Applauding and recognising efforts ONLY if results are produced. Picking only the smart ones and always neglecting and putting down the weaker students.
I've had enough of this.
What happens to the education system when a school functions in this manner? When all the authority lies in the hands of those who are blind, and fail to see so many things. Lao Tse said that education and learning takes place through personal experience, and not by theory. Being in this school has taught us how to make everything sound good, and not put it into practice. Awards and results at the end of the day equate to efforts. Not quite a good equation, I should say. And I thought the big boss of it all excelled in math and economics?
Whoever said that Spore is free from corruption? Corruption need not take place involving only physical or monetary aspects. It takes place mentally as well. And that is why I smell a strong stench of rust, mould and what not everywhere in the school.
No doubt, I have to thank the authorities for giving me inspiration of what to think of everytime I dance our syf piece. Breaking out of conformities, huh?
One can only wonder why people say going through school gives students a taste of how society is like. I didn't say it applies to my school, did I?
Sunday, April 5, 2009
The feeling of sian-ness!!!
Hello people I'm here to update again.
I know I am a super inconsistent blogger, but that's cos my mood is inconsistent as well...I think.
It doesn't help that I have a love-hate relationship with every weekend. I love it because I have at least one Saturday afternoon/night and Sunday afternoon to get abit more sleep. But I hate that even as I get that extra more few hours of sleep, I worry about alot of other things. Or maybe its only me that suffers from this? I hate the feeling of going to bed thinking "I should wake up at XXX time as I still have XXXXX amount of things to do". When can I sleep with no worries?
The only time I slept without knowing that time and work existed was probably last weekend when I had a high fever. But obviously it doesn't feel good when you're sick. Lol but I think the only benefit was that I had lots of sleep. At least you feel you're sleeping.
I am not exaggerating but there is simply NOTHING in my life that excites or spices things up at all. No shopping, no hanging out with friends, no LMAO sessions, I don't even read/watch shows about my favourite skin care anymore. If I have time, I'd wanna hit the bed. Or maybe idle around worrying about NOTHING.
Lol now I feel that this entry is probably of no meaning at all other than trying to put off doing csc essay a little longer. I have to stop feeling so empty. I don't wanna look back on my teenage years but have nothing to remember other than the feeling of emptiness. I'm 17 damn it and I should be having fun.
Then again, my personality won't allow me to have fun. Lol.
Last night's lost of control was super unlike me but oh well. There is a maximum amount of tolerance that anyone can feel.
NOW I HAVE THE URGE TO GO OUT AND BUY SOME FASHION MAGAZINE TO READ AND STRIKE OUT CSC ESSAY FROM MY LIST OF WORRIES. CAN I GET SOME GETAWAY DURING THE WEEKENDS FOR ONCE? PROPERLY?
Nothing but rants in this post. But I don't care. I'm so sian and even angry to some extent about how boring my life is. RAH!!
I know I am a super inconsistent blogger, but that's cos my mood is inconsistent as well...I think.
It doesn't help that I have a love-hate relationship with every weekend. I love it because I have at least one Saturday afternoon/night and Sunday afternoon to get abit more sleep. But I hate that even as I get that extra more few hours of sleep, I worry about alot of other things. Or maybe its only me that suffers from this? I hate the feeling of going to bed thinking "I should wake up at XXX time as I still have XXXXX amount of things to do". When can I sleep with no worries?
The only time I slept without knowing that time and work existed was probably last weekend when I had a high fever. But obviously it doesn't feel good when you're sick. Lol but I think the only benefit was that I had lots of sleep. At least you feel you're sleeping.
I am not exaggerating but there is simply NOTHING in my life that excites or spices things up at all. No shopping, no hanging out with friends, no LMAO sessions, I don't even read/watch shows about my favourite skin care anymore. If I have time, I'd wanna hit the bed. Or maybe idle around worrying about NOTHING.
Lol now I feel that this entry is probably of no meaning at all other than trying to put off doing csc essay a little longer. I have to stop feeling so empty. I don't wanna look back on my teenage years but have nothing to remember other than the feeling of emptiness. I'm 17 damn it and I should be having fun.
Then again, my personality won't allow me to have fun. Lol.
Last night's lost of control was super unlike me but oh well. There is a maximum amount of tolerance that anyone can feel.
NOW I HAVE THE URGE TO GO OUT AND BUY SOME FASHION MAGAZINE TO READ AND STRIKE OUT CSC ESSAY FROM MY LIST OF WORRIES. CAN I GET SOME GETAWAY DURING THE WEEKENDS FOR ONCE? PROPERLY?
Nothing but rants in this post. But I don't care. I'm so sian and even angry to some extent about how boring my life is. RAH!!
Saturday, February 14, 2009
Random update
Hey ppl who might still be reading this.
Haha. I'd decide to blog cos of something that happened today..which I shall write about later.
For now, I'd like to talk about how I've been doing in school.
As (almost) all of you know, I'm dying cos of the fatigue. Dance is seriously taking up so much time and energy. I'm drained of my energy and motivation to do any work after I reach home. Imagine it being close to 10pm after you'd only slacked for an hour after bathing and eating. Crap! That's close to bed time man. Even though ppl in my class think I'm guai cos I always complete my homework, I'm disappointed in myself. That is far from what I aimed to achieve this year. I wanted to do beyond homework every day so I won't end up studying last minute. But I simply can't do it due to physical fatigue. So sorry 5Q if I am always lethargic during pe on fridays if we have to play games. I'm originally not really enthu in ball games and I'd be facing serious aches and sian-ness and tired-ness by the end of the week. I'm sorry peeps :(
Heard from many ppl that there's a certain fat physics teacher who likes to scold people for nothing. I must say I'm glad there ain't any of such teachers in my class or I'd seriously show them attitude when I can't take it. I hate the school for being inflexible at times when we're all tired and stressed. We don't even have time for proper rest, why does the school still want to piss us off by checking on our attire and stuff almost every day? Well luckily that doesn't happen to my class, but I can say for certain I'd be rolling my eyes if we had any such teacher.
Anyway, there was class leaders workshop today and it was a total waste of time. Goes to show how the school needs to improve by differentiating lower sec and year 5 stuff. Many things don't have to be made known clearly to the year 5s you know. I'm extremely pissed when the school makes us stay back or worse, to go back to school on saturdays for things that ain't necessary. Such a waste of time.
Alright. Now I shall enter my main point for blogging today.
Today after the class leaders workshop, I went to JP for lunch with YuXuan. After that, Yuxuan bought Yoghurt Place and I bought ice cream (on a cone). Was about to eat it while walking home when this old woman selling stuff at the sheltered walkway of the MRT stopped me. (She's wheelchair-bound) She asked me to help push her to the toilet. Initially, I didn't really know what to do as I was eating my ice cream halfway (which was already sorta melting by then) and I was sure that would make the ice cream melt and cause a huge mess. But anyway, I decided to be a nice person and just help her :D
So I pushed her to the toilet and there was a certain yalam woman who wanted to use the handicapped toilet at first. The old woman made a gesture to call out to the yalam woman that she needed the toilet, and the yalam woman gave way and let her use it first. The old woman asked me if I was in a rush, to which I said no, and she asked me to wait for her outside the toilet. And so I did, while I hurriedly ate my ice cream which was melting by then. The old woman took quite a long time so I managed to finish my ice cream and wash my hands by then. This was when something that happened made my blood boil.
The yalam woman who wasn't the least handicapped and wanted to use the handicapped toilet (god knows why) decided to wait outside for the old woman to finish using. She took quite a long time as mentioned earlier. The yalam woman who was with her friend/family member were talking. Gradually, their tone became more and more pissed and the yalam woman stared and even sorta glared at me. Then she kept looking at the toilet. It was as if she wanted me to check on the old woman to see if she was done. Perhaps she thought I was related to the old woman, seeing that I was eating my ice cream while waiting for her. (On another note, I think people who saw me push the old woman to the toilet thought I was her grand daughter or something...) Anyway, this was what made me angry.
HELLO?! WHAT RIGHTS DID SHE HAVE TO BE ANGRY AT SOMEONE WHO WAS SO OLD AND HAD DIFFICULTIES? OBVIOUSLY SHE'D TAKE LONGER TO USE THE TOILET WHAT. And the point is, there was a toilet meant for NORMAL PEOPLE to use right next to the handicapped toilet. It's just that she refused to use it. And don't fucking stare at me when I was the one who helped the old woman to the toilet. That puts me at a higher level than stupid inconsiderate people like her. Yes, Singapore can never become a gracious society with FAT PIGS like her. Oh, perhaps that's why she needs to use the handicapped toilet. Cos she's been eating too much KFC and what not, that she's too fat to use the normal cubicles. Hello, has she heard of such a thing called EXERCISING? That way maybe her ass won't be freaking 60 inches or something that'd give her difficulties using the normal toilets.
After that, I pushed the old woman back to the place where she was selling stuff. Along the way, I met many people who looked at me. Not sure if that was a good or bad thing. I also saw many couples who were immersing in the mood for love, holding hands, girls carrying flowers and gifts and so on. That reminded me that while we immerse ourselves in the mood to celebrate such joyous ocassions, we should not forget the fact that there are other members in society who need help. To them, there aren't such things as valentine's day. I can't bear to imagine how they'd feel. If I had to put up with such inconsiderate fat PIGS every day, I swear I'd go nuts.
On a side note again, today is Haiwei's birthday (happy birthday dear!) and my dog's birthday! Exactly six years ago on this joyous day, we bought Baby from Puppy Patrol at Bukit Timah Road and he's became part of our family ever since. I'm gonna give him his bone treat later at night :D He's becoming an old dog!
Shucks, its 5.45 pm on a Saturday evening and I feel like I haven't even done anything on a weekend yet. Hey! Saturday is supposed to be my favourite day of the week. Grrr. I seriously need to get a life man. I'm so no life. It's always been this way and I think it will stay this way, sad to say.
Alright, block tests start this coming week and there's tons of homework and studying to do. I'm gonna go start doing homework soon. Bye ppl, enjoy your vday with your dates and friends! May everyone feel blessed and in the mood for love! (Though I'm not, sad to say. haha)
AND MAY THE FAT YALAM PIG I SAW JUST NOW SLIP INTO THE TOILET BOWL OR SOMETHING.
Haha. I'd decide to blog cos of something that happened today..which I shall write about later.
For now, I'd like to talk about how I've been doing in school.
As (almost) all of you know, I'm dying cos of the fatigue. Dance is seriously taking up so much time and energy. I'm drained of my energy and motivation to do any work after I reach home. Imagine it being close to 10pm after you'd only slacked for an hour after bathing and eating. Crap! That's close to bed time man. Even though ppl in my class think I'm guai cos I always complete my homework, I'm disappointed in myself. That is far from what I aimed to achieve this year. I wanted to do beyond homework every day so I won't end up studying last minute. But I simply can't do it due to physical fatigue. So sorry 5Q if I am always lethargic during pe on fridays if we have to play games. I'm originally not really enthu in ball games and I'd be facing serious aches and sian-ness and tired-ness by the end of the week. I'm sorry peeps :(
Heard from many ppl that there's a certain fat physics teacher who likes to scold people for nothing. I must say I'm glad there ain't any of such teachers in my class or I'd seriously show them attitude when I can't take it. I hate the school for being inflexible at times when we're all tired and stressed. We don't even have time for proper rest, why does the school still want to piss us off by checking on our attire and stuff almost every day? Well luckily that doesn't happen to my class, but I can say for certain I'd be rolling my eyes if we had any such teacher.
Anyway, there was class leaders workshop today and it was a total waste of time. Goes to show how the school needs to improve by differentiating lower sec and year 5 stuff. Many things don't have to be made known clearly to the year 5s you know. I'm extremely pissed when the school makes us stay back or worse, to go back to school on saturdays for things that ain't necessary. Such a waste of time.
Alright. Now I shall enter my main point for blogging today.
Today after the class leaders workshop, I went to JP for lunch with YuXuan. After that, Yuxuan bought Yoghurt Place and I bought ice cream (on a cone). Was about to eat it while walking home when this old woman selling stuff at the sheltered walkway of the MRT stopped me. (She's wheelchair-bound) She asked me to help push her to the toilet. Initially, I didn't really know what to do as I was eating my ice cream halfway (which was already sorta melting by then) and I was sure that would make the ice cream melt and cause a huge mess. But anyway, I decided to be a nice person and just help her :D
So I pushed her to the toilet and there was a certain yalam woman who wanted to use the handicapped toilet at first. The old woman made a gesture to call out to the yalam woman that she needed the toilet, and the yalam woman gave way and let her use it first. The old woman asked me if I was in a rush, to which I said no, and she asked me to wait for her outside the toilet. And so I did, while I hurriedly ate my ice cream which was melting by then. The old woman took quite a long time so I managed to finish my ice cream and wash my hands by then. This was when something that happened made my blood boil.
The yalam woman who wasn't the least handicapped and wanted to use the handicapped toilet (god knows why) decided to wait outside for the old woman to finish using. She took quite a long time as mentioned earlier. The yalam woman who was with her friend/family member were talking. Gradually, their tone became more and more pissed and the yalam woman stared and even sorta glared at me. Then she kept looking at the toilet. It was as if she wanted me to check on the old woman to see if she was done. Perhaps she thought I was related to the old woman, seeing that I was eating my ice cream while waiting for her. (On another note, I think people who saw me push the old woman to the toilet thought I was her grand daughter or something...) Anyway, this was what made me angry.
HELLO?! WHAT RIGHTS DID SHE HAVE TO BE ANGRY AT SOMEONE WHO WAS SO OLD AND HAD DIFFICULTIES? OBVIOUSLY SHE'D TAKE LONGER TO USE THE TOILET WHAT. And the point is, there was a toilet meant for NORMAL PEOPLE to use right next to the handicapped toilet. It's just that she refused to use it. And don't fucking stare at me when I was the one who helped the old woman to the toilet. That puts me at a higher level than stupid inconsiderate people like her. Yes, Singapore can never become a gracious society with FAT PIGS like her. Oh, perhaps that's why she needs to use the handicapped toilet. Cos she's been eating too much KFC and what not, that she's too fat to use the normal cubicles. Hello, has she heard of such a thing called EXERCISING? That way maybe her ass won't be freaking 60 inches or something that'd give her difficulties using the normal toilets.
After that, I pushed the old woman back to the place where she was selling stuff. Along the way, I met many people who looked at me. Not sure if that was a good or bad thing. I also saw many couples who were immersing in the mood for love, holding hands, girls carrying flowers and gifts and so on. That reminded me that while we immerse ourselves in the mood to celebrate such joyous ocassions, we should not forget the fact that there are other members in society who need help. To them, there aren't such things as valentine's day. I can't bear to imagine how they'd feel. If I had to put up with such inconsiderate fat PIGS every day, I swear I'd go nuts.
On a side note again, today is Haiwei's birthday (happy birthday dear!) and my dog's birthday! Exactly six years ago on this joyous day, we bought Baby from Puppy Patrol at Bukit Timah Road and he's became part of our family ever since. I'm gonna give him his bone treat later at night :D He's becoming an old dog!
Shucks, its 5.45 pm on a Saturday evening and I feel like I haven't even done anything on a weekend yet. Hey! Saturday is supposed to be my favourite day of the week. Grrr. I seriously need to get a life man. I'm so no life. It's always been this way and I think it will stay this way, sad to say.
Alright, block tests start this coming week and there's tons of homework and studying to do. I'm gonna go start doing homework soon. Bye ppl, enjoy your vday with your dates and friends! May everyone feel blessed and in the mood for love! (Though I'm not, sad to say. haha)
AND MAY THE FAT YALAM PIG I SAW JUST NOW SLIP INTO THE TOILET BOWL OR SOMETHING.
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Happy CNY everyone!
Hey peeps. It's CNY eve today and its 50 mins more till CNY chu yi. I must say that I'm not in the CNY mood at all this year so pardon me for the simple greetings here to everyone. Nevertheless those who are in the CNY mood, pls do enjoy yourselves although I must say my CNY will be a sucky one as usual.
Yesterday was my 17th birthday and I sincerly thank all those who have wished me happy birthday in one way or another. I had quite a good birthday also it wasn't as great as I had wished it would be. Again, pardon me for the lack of excitement in blogging about it here.
The purpose of blogging here today is a solemn one. I got to know of something today which totally made my heart sink. Its so hard, when reality comes crashing to the floor. A couple of years back, I used to always wonder, how some people can be so emo all the time. To me, life was (and still is) filled with happiness. Unfortunately, things ain't always as lucky for people around me. For my loved ones. It pains me to see them like that. I guess its a chain reaction. When you're down, the people who loves you will feel your pain and be sad too. And then the people who cares for those people will be worried as well. It goes on.
Life is unpredictable, yet predictable in a sense. Lately I've been having lots of complicated thoughts running through my head so pardon me for all these things I've been saying that sounds ironic. Everyone knows life isn't perfect and problems here and there is expected, but the main point is that you never expect it to actually happen to you. When it does, you don't know what to do. And that hurts.
As teenagers going through the phase of growing up, we experiment with many things - just in search of what we really like and enjoy, or heck, just for the fun of it. But for some who ain't that lucky, they don't have the luxury to do so. Life during this time is a struggle, and a period of transition where you literally feel yourself mature.
Listen to your surroundings,
Find that tunnel out of you;
Balance out between heart and mind,
And then metamorph.
Stay strong.
Yesterday was my 17th birthday and I sincerly thank all those who have wished me happy birthday in one way or another. I had quite a good birthday also it wasn't as great as I had wished it would be. Again, pardon me for the lack of excitement in blogging about it here.
The purpose of blogging here today is a solemn one. I got to know of something today which totally made my heart sink. Its so hard, when reality comes crashing to the floor. A couple of years back, I used to always wonder, how some people can be so emo all the time. To me, life was (and still is) filled with happiness. Unfortunately, things ain't always as lucky for people around me. For my loved ones. It pains me to see them like that. I guess its a chain reaction. When you're down, the people who loves you will feel your pain and be sad too. And then the people who cares for those people will be worried as well. It goes on.
Life is unpredictable, yet predictable in a sense. Lately I've been having lots of complicated thoughts running through my head so pardon me for all these things I've been saying that sounds ironic. Everyone knows life isn't perfect and problems here and there is expected, but the main point is that you never expect it to actually happen to you. When it does, you don't know what to do. And that hurts.
As teenagers going through the phase of growing up, we experiment with many things - just in search of what we really like and enjoy, or heck, just for the fun of it. But for some who ain't that lucky, they don't have the luxury to do so. Life during this time is a struggle, and a period of transition where you literally feel yourself mature.
Listen to your surroundings,
Find that tunnel out of you;
Balance out between heart and mind,
And then metamorph.
Stay strong.
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
I don't know why I'm posting about this so late in the night, but I guess its at night that ppl start to emo, no?
Two things just happened (I can't say what) and they triggered me to ponder about certain things and I find myself starting to get emo once again.
So many questions and thoughts running through my mind now. About others, about society, about myself.
I'm having really random thoughts in my head that don't link with each other whatsoever, and I'm getting pretty troubled over all those silly thoughts. They are so freaking irritating.
I can't say I'm unhappy with my life right now, but there are really certain aspects of it that is starting to bug me. Cant be bothered to go into the details at all though I know ppl reading this right now will have no idea what I'm thinking about. Although they may get the feel of what I'm trying to say.
A big part of 2008 was spent emoing over him. I don't wanna do that anymore in 2009. Lol. But how difficult is that. I'm not the kind who loves easily. Its even harder for me to forget, once I do.
I don't want school to start because I don't want to have to live the same type of life. Restrictions everywhere. In school, the damn inflexible school rules, system and way of running things. A school life that's so predictable, so much to the extend that everyone seems to have more or less lost their motivation to try to fight for what we should be getting. What other jc students are enjoying. I don't want to hate going to school for the next two years. This might sound gross but really, I wanna enjoy learning. I want to have the passion to keep me going. I've never had that in me for the past 4 years, but I'm starting to see the light for this to happen in year 4. Maybe that's what they mean by maturing. But year 4 was too busy, too much of a rush. It was simply a battle against time. Now that we've selected our subject combinations I wanna make sure I enjoy the most out of what I've chosen for myself. Especially CSC and CLL. I even wanna attempt to feel something out of math instead of only hating it. I'm determined to improve in it. But I wonder, will I fall back and falter once I encounter the same things that all rvians are complaining about. The inflexible system. The fatigue. The lack of passion and motivation around in the school environment. This is making me all so sick. I wanna enjoy school life, and I'm already trying my best not to be cynical but its hard. So hard.
And there's the problem of personal life too. Once year 5 starts its not hard to imagine how fast time will past once again. I'm not sure that that's a good or hard thing, but one thing's for sure. Our youth is slipping past our hands. And I don't wanna look back thinking, when I was young, I could rmb nothing but going to rv and complaining about how boring school life was. And how busy it was that it left me with nothing in my personal life, away from school. It almost seems as if I can forsee the days to come along. The weekends whereby we'll be busy studying, me going for tuition, ppl wanting to spend more time with their families, to just enjoy abit of what they can't during weekdays...so busy they have no time for friends. It's almost impossible to have fun with friends outside of school once school starts. For a non school related purpose. And this sucks because we're teenagers now and friends are supposedly such an important aspect of our lives. Damn. Its not that I hate my family. But there are too many restrictions in the family, that sometimes one cannot take it no matter the purpose behind it. Teenage years are supposingly the most rebellious years, no? Increasingly I'm getting more and more irritated by the fact that I face so many restrictions in this family. I'm old enough and sensible enough to decide for myself, what I should or should not be doing. Sometimes it hurts to know that parents don't seem to trust you.
So many restrictions. Damn. Why does it seem as if people dun wanna give me a chance. School, family. I see little hope in bringing about much change. Change may not definitely be good, but I see that its about time I should bring about some changes. Its getting way too much of a routine, too much of an oppress for me. I need some space to breathe.
Two things just happened (I can't say what) and they triggered me to ponder about certain things and I find myself starting to get emo once again.
So many questions and thoughts running through my mind now. About others, about society, about myself.
I'm having really random thoughts in my head that don't link with each other whatsoever, and I'm getting pretty troubled over all those silly thoughts. They are so freaking irritating.
I can't say I'm unhappy with my life right now, but there are really certain aspects of it that is starting to bug me. Cant be bothered to go into the details at all though I know ppl reading this right now will have no idea what I'm thinking about. Although they may get the feel of what I'm trying to say.
A big part of 2008 was spent emoing over him. I don't wanna do that anymore in 2009. Lol. But how difficult is that. I'm not the kind who loves easily. Its even harder for me to forget, once I do.
I don't want school to start because I don't want to have to live the same type of life. Restrictions everywhere. In school, the damn inflexible school rules, system and way of running things. A school life that's so predictable, so much to the extend that everyone seems to have more or less lost their motivation to try to fight for what we should be getting. What other jc students are enjoying. I don't want to hate going to school for the next two years. This might sound gross but really, I wanna enjoy learning. I want to have the passion to keep me going. I've never had that in me for the past 4 years, but I'm starting to see the light for this to happen in year 4. Maybe that's what they mean by maturing. But year 4 was too busy, too much of a rush. It was simply a battle against time. Now that we've selected our subject combinations I wanna make sure I enjoy the most out of what I've chosen for myself. Especially CSC and CLL. I even wanna attempt to feel something out of math instead of only hating it. I'm determined to improve in it. But I wonder, will I fall back and falter once I encounter the same things that all rvians are complaining about. The inflexible system. The fatigue. The lack of passion and motivation around in the school environment. This is making me all so sick. I wanna enjoy school life, and I'm already trying my best not to be cynical but its hard. So hard.
And there's the problem of personal life too. Once year 5 starts its not hard to imagine how fast time will past once again. I'm not sure that that's a good or hard thing, but one thing's for sure. Our youth is slipping past our hands. And I don't wanna look back thinking, when I was young, I could rmb nothing but going to rv and complaining about how boring school life was. And how busy it was that it left me with nothing in my personal life, away from school. It almost seems as if I can forsee the days to come along. The weekends whereby we'll be busy studying, me going for tuition, ppl wanting to spend more time with their families, to just enjoy abit of what they can't during weekdays...so busy they have no time for friends. It's almost impossible to have fun with friends outside of school once school starts. For a non school related purpose. And this sucks because we're teenagers now and friends are supposedly such an important aspect of our lives. Damn. Its not that I hate my family. But there are too many restrictions in the family, that sometimes one cannot take it no matter the purpose behind it. Teenage years are supposingly the most rebellious years, no? Increasingly I'm getting more and more irritated by the fact that I face so many restrictions in this family. I'm old enough and sensible enough to decide for myself, what I should or should not be doing. Sometimes it hurts to know that parents don't seem to trust you.
So many restrictions. Damn. Why does it seem as if people dun wanna give me a chance. School, family. I see little hope in bringing about much change. Change may not definitely be good, but I see that its about time I should bring about some changes. Its getting way too much of a routine, too much of an oppress for me. I need some space to breathe.
Monday, January 5, 2009
Reviving my blog AGAIN
Apologies for the lack of updates! Hahaha. Not many people come here, anyway.
Hoho I can no longer rmb the following events in chronological order, but anyway I'll just *try to* update them in the correct sequence.
Primary School Gathering
It was a primary school gathering organised by Grace and Shermaine, I think. I met up with peiying first at sun plaza for mac breakfast before meeting up with the rest and heading to Dhoby Ghaut for lunch. LOL. Cheap deal there though the food wasn't of good quality. But its a cheap place to go to if you don't mind lousy food and just want a spot to rot at for the whole day with free flow of drinks and ice cream. Oh, the place is called "Just Acia", I think. Lala. Then later a few of us wanted to go to k box but the majority didn't want to. Eventually, we didn't and we headed off to some cafe at Bukit Timah road that's obviously targeted at the rich who have nothing better to do in the afternoons. The place is kinda "ulu" and the desserts/drinks that they sell there is overpriced. Plus point there is that there's plenty of free board games for you to play there, so you don't have to bring your own set of board games out for a gathering. Err, wait a minute, I just realised people don't do that during gatherings, unless they're going to someone else's house LOL. Anyway that day was not bad for a get together after so many years. Seems like peiying and I still click better with the guys. Haha. Went back to sun plaza after that for dinner, before heading back home.
Candid shot taken of some of the peeps while eating..
This was NOT a candid shot. Hahaha.
Group photo! Outside the cafe we went to, swirl.
Dong Zhi
Hoho, Peiying came to my house for a stayover the day after the gathering! Yep, talked alot, sister heart to heart talks. We slept at 5am LOL. And the result was Peiying getting hooked onto criminal minds HAHAHA. Oh well. Not much to say about that day. She saw a few of my dance friends haha. And she thinks they are 'cute'! LOL OMG totally. This obviously 便宜了 lerae, gsh, lyt, erjie. hahaha. To think they had the cheek to call me down to join them at jp immediately when it turned out to be so boring. oh gosh!
The next day was a Sunday, and it was dong zhi! LOL. Friends who know me well enough will know that my family is nowhere near being traditional, but oh well, we do love to EAT! So my dad made tang yuan for the family :D
Adding water to the glutinous flour (dunno what's that called?)..
My dad working hard haha
Shaped in circles!
Putting the tang yuan into water boiled with pandan leaves so it'll smell nice!
Baby barking in hope for his share too!
LOL and guess what, I totally forgot to take a pic of the final product -.-'
How anti-climax hahah...
Outing with dance people/Dinner with Peiying on New Year's Eve
LOL, I was feeling super sian so I wanted to ask people out on new year's eve. Unfortunately, everyone else was alr booked. Then, goh shu hui and I who happened to be talking at that time decided to go out. Luckily erjie and yantong joined us in the end. Although the outing was still considered quite a failure luh. HAHA. But at least we had something to kill off time on new year's eve, huh?
Later I abandoned them *er hem* and went off to meet with peiying again. LOL, yes I know, it seems like she's my only friend. hahaha. Anyway, we were both craving for pasta and good food, so we decided to give spageddies at Paragon a try, instead of the conventional Pastamania. The food there's not bad, although Peiying ordered beef by mistake. But I guess we were quite happy with the experience there. The staff there have efficient service! Everything's pretty fast.
Peiying's baked penne and my meatball spagetti. I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE THINKING. My order looks wrong huh. Even peiying thinks so LOL.
Start of my diet plan (yes, again.)
So um, as you guys can see, with all that good food and going out, obviously I'd have put on ALOT of weight huh. Over the holidays, which I did, okay. The figure on the weighing scale scared me, so I embarked on my diet plan once again.
This time, I was gonna try what I learned from the taiwan show, 女人我最大。An artiste who went on the show said that she slimmed down by eating boiled veggies and beef, and doing alot of exercise. I told my mum about my plan, and she suggested for me to put some seasoning into the boiling water so I could make some soup instead. It would be tastier that way. At first, I was worried that eating so much seasoning would be unhealthy but heck, when u dine outside, they cook with loads of seasoning too so isn't it the same? At least you can control the amount of seasoning you put at home. So I came up with a wonderful creation of WLS! (Weight loss soup, not wanglaoshi LOL)
My WLS is simple. It contains boiled veggies and beef, and anything else that I can throw inside. Probably egg or beancurd. Anything that cooks easily in boiled water and is tasty. I change the soup base by adding in different seasoning. Its low in fat and extremely tasty as well! Maybe that's cos I'm a veggie lover in the first place, and I enjoy drinking soup alot. So I love my WLS to bits! I won't disclose my weight, but I can only say that I've lost 2 kg so far by drinking it for a few days only! Not to mention I did eat stuff I'm not supposed to eat during these few days, like mcwings meal and bubble tea LOL. But I'm positive it does work! Anyway, even if it doesn't help in making me lose weight, at least its a healthy and simple meal that I can whip up anytime myself. So cheers to WLS!!!
Cooking it..
All ready and served! That's tonight's dinner. I added miso paste in today.
Oh, and if you're worried that drinking soup with veggies won't make you full, just cook a bigger pot! I don't deny that I get hungry really easily, so I can't possibly be like other people and eat really really little or survive on only fruits when I'm on a diet. However, since I love veggies alot, just like my mum, the both of us have been drinking WLS together! So yeap, she washes alot of veggies so I throw alot in! That makes quite a huge portion of soup, that's enough for two big servings! So now I can eat alot and yet feel healthy and low in fat intake!
P.S I just realised that I sound like I'm advertising for WLS. As if its some product that I am manufacturing now LOL.
Okay, there's still work that I've yet to blog about. More on that in my next post!
Hoho I can no longer rmb the following events in chronological order, but anyway I'll just *try to* update them in the correct sequence.
Primary School Gathering
It was a primary school gathering organised by Grace and Shermaine, I think. I met up with peiying first at sun plaza for mac breakfast before meeting up with the rest and heading to Dhoby Ghaut for lunch. LOL. Cheap deal there though the food wasn't of good quality. But its a cheap place to go to if you don't mind lousy food and just want a spot to rot at for the whole day with free flow of drinks and ice cream. Oh, the place is called "Just Acia", I think. Lala. Then later a few of us wanted to go to k box but the majority didn't want to. Eventually, we didn't and we headed off to some cafe at Bukit Timah road that's obviously targeted at the rich who have nothing better to do in the afternoons. The place is kinda "ulu" and the desserts/drinks that they sell there is overpriced. Plus point there is that there's plenty of free board games for you to play there, so you don't have to bring your own set of board games out for a gathering. Err, wait a minute, I just realised people don't do that during gatherings, unless they're going to someone else's house LOL. Anyway that day was not bad for a get together after so many years. Seems like peiying and I still click better with the guys. Haha. Went back to sun plaza after that for dinner, before heading back home.
Candid shot taken of some of the peeps while eating..
This was NOT a candid shot. Hahaha.
Group photo! Outside the cafe we went to, swirl.
Dong Zhi
Hoho, Peiying came to my house for a stayover the day after the gathering! Yep, talked alot, sister heart to heart talks. We slept at 5am LOL. And the result was Peiying getting hooked onto criminal minds HAHAHA. Oh well. Not much to say about that day. She saw a few of my dance friends haha. And she thinks they are 'cute'! LOL OMG totally. This obviously 便宜了 lerae, gsh, lyt, erjie. hahaha. To think they had the cheek to call me down to join them at jp immediately when it turned out to be so boring. oh gosh!
The next day was a Sunday, and it was dong zhi! LOL. Friends who know me well enough will know that my family is nowhere near being traditional, but oh well, we do love to EAT! So my dad made tang yuan for the family :D
Adding water to the glutinous flour (dunno what's that called?)..
My dad working hard haha
Shaped in circles!
Putting the tang yuan into water boiled with pandan leaves so it'll smell nice!
Baby barking in hope for his share too!
LOL and guess what, I totally forgot to take a pic of the final product -.-'
How anti-climax hahah...
Outing with dance people/Dinner with Peiying on New Year's Eve
LOL, I was feeling super sian so I wanted to ask people out on new year's eve. Unfortunately, everyone else was alr booked. Then, goh shu hui and I who happened to be talking at that time decided to go out. Luckily erjie and yantong joined us in the end. Although the outing was still considered quite a failure luh. HAHA. But at least we had something to kill off time on new year's eve, huh?
Later I abandoned them *er hem* and went off to meet with peiying again. LOL, yes I know, it seems like she's my only friend. hahaha. Anyway, we were both craving for pasta and good food, so we decided to give spageddies at Paragon a try, instead of the conventional Pastamania. The food there's not bad, although Peiying ordered beef by mistake. But I guess we were quite happy with the experience there. The staff there have efficient service! Everything's pretty fast.
Peiying's baked penne and my meatball spagetti. I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE THINKING. My order looks wrong huh. Even peiying thinks so LOL.
Start of my diet plan (yes, again.)
So um, as you guys can see, with all that good food and going out, obviously I'd have put on ALOT of weight huh. Over the holidays, which I did, okay. The figure on the weighing scale scared me, so I embarked on my diet plan once again.
This time, I was gonna try what I learned from the taiwan show, 女人我最大。An artiste who went on the show said that she slimmed down by eating boiled veggies and beef, and doing alot of exercise. I told my mum about my plan, and she suggested for me to put some seasoning into the boiling water so I could make some soup instead. It would be tastier that way. At first, I was worried that eating so much seasoning would be unhealthy but heck, when u dine outside, they cook with loads of seasoning too so isn't it the same? At least you can control the amount of seasoning you put at home. So I came up with a wonderful creation of WLS! (Weight loss soup, not wanglaoshi LOL)
My WLS is simple. It contains boiled veggies and beef, and anything else that I can throw inside. Probably egg or beancurd. Anything that cooks easily in boiled water and is tasty. I change the soup base by adding in different seasoning. Its low in fat and extremely tasty as well! Maybe that's cos I'm a veggie lover in the first place, and I enjoy drinking soup alot. So I love my WLS to bits! I won't disclose my weight, but I can only say that I've lost 2 kg so far by drinking it for a few days only! Not to mention I did eat stuff I'm not supposed to eat during these few days, like mcwings meal and bubble tea LOL. But I'm positive it does work! Anyway, even if it doesn't help in making me lose weight, at least its a healthy and simple meal that I can whip up anytime myself. So cheers to WLS!!!
Cooking it..
All ready and served! That's tonight's dinner. I added miso paste in today.
Oh, and if you're worried that drinking soup with veggies won't make you full, just cook a bigger pot! I don't deny that I get hungry really easily, so I can't possibly be like other people and eat really really little or survive on only fruits when I'm on a diet. However, since I love veggies alot, just like my mum, the both of us have been drinking WLS together! So yeap, she washes alot of veggies so I throw alot in! That makes quite a huge portion of soup, that's enough for two big servings! So now I can eat alot and yet feel healthy and low in fat intake!
P.S I just realised that I sound like I'm advertising for WLS. As if its some product that I am manufacturing now LOL.
Okay, there's still work that I've yet to blog about. More on that in my next post!
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