Mood indicator

Ponned yesterday. Felt that I really needed a good, long sleep. The weather isn't helping either, my nose and eyes have been really sensitive and they keep leaking non-stop. So yes, I did feel a teeny weeny bit unwell.

Anyway, I've been thinking alot about human behavior these days.

Always wondered why I haven't been able to let go of the pressure within myself. Discussed about this topic for the longest time yet with some of my friends and classmates and I guess I am making some kind of improvement by hecking about certain things already. Like ponning school and dragging homework deadlines, although I guess many would say that I'm still quite..'pia' in a sense.

Let's move away from the usual boring topic of myself to something more interesting.

I popped a question to Ms Lee, our econs tutor on Tuesday. Asked her why she wears heels to school everyday. I know she is around every time I hear her heels clanking as she takes every step. The sound is distinct, yes, but it reminds me of how painful my feet are everytime I attempt to wear heels. She said it doesn't hurt for her but interestingly enough, she pointed out that shoes were an indicator of her mood. She wears flats when she isn't feeling that great and heels when her mood is better. Of course, my mind wasn't set on that topic as I began to get into the mood for the econs test later on that day.

My mind drifted back to this topic when I was walking my dog. You see, everytime I walk my dog I like to allow my mind to drift off to many things. Probably because it's the park and although the setting isn't really that great, it's still closer to nature. And that short period of 10 to 15 mins does help me to relax and keep my mind away from school, work etc. Especially when it's really a relief to walk my dog in the midst of rushing for revision for an exam the next day.

So I thought, everyone does have an indicator of how mood is. For women, we dress according to how we feel. Shoes, bags, outfits, make up etc are all indicators of how we feel. We cut our hair when we just experienced a break up. We eat tons of ice cream (forget about the calories already!) when we're feeling down. We don't bother to apply make up when we feel ugly - who has the patience to fight the war with colours when we're feeling all frustrated and angry deep under?

I guess the good thing about this whole "allowing something that you do everyday go wrong" behavior is that we're allowing ourselves to show our displeasure. Friends or even boyfriends who are sharp enough to observe these changes would know better than to make us feel worse if they spot changes.

Of course, I then questioned myself what MY indicator was. I came up with a few answers. I guess for me it was that I wouldn't bother to take care of my skin well. I am guilty of not washing my face and moisturizing it properly before I go to bed if I don't feel good at the end of the day. I wouldn't spend over 10 mins slapping on lotion to my body as well. Another point would be that I would not bother about my hairstyle if I wasn't feeling good that day. I wouldn't even care if my fringe was horrendously out of place - if I feel down, I feel ugly and therefore no matter what I do I still feel ugly.

Enough said for this entry. What's your mood indicator?

Disgusted, appalled - and what not

I am taking time off to blog because I can no longer stand it.

Being a member of my school is something that I am utterly disgusted by.

Firstly let me applaud the school's credit. No doubt, the curriculum here is heavy, and no matter how unorganized it is, it does, at the end of the day teach us many things. Content-wise, of course. Ruling out learning environment, way of studying among other things, the coursework itself is worthy of recognition. Of course, I am sure many will love to disagree in comparison with other schools but to be fair, my verdict is that my school has emphasised on academic work well. The teachers here are overall, hardworking and well prepared when it comes to lessons. Training for CCA is also relatively well and there are many other programmes designed to suit students who have expressed extraordinary interest or talent in certain subjects eg. the math talent class etc. Although many complain about how tiring PE lessons are, I beg to differ, however. Many who are not in CCAs which require movement may not exercise at all. To sum it all up, the school does fairly well in curriculum planning.

But that is about it all. Other than that I see no reason why I should be proud of my school.

The upper class people are a living contradiction. Learning DOES NOT take place purely out of interest and a right set of attitudes. Learning takes place because results have to be shown. And leaders are not picked based on merit and ability, but by their ability to abide to everything the school says. I do not wish to elaborate further on this as I see no point.

I am disgusted and appalled by how ugly man can become. The sins of humanity can be shown clearly in the school. Greed for more results. Total ignorance to how others feel. Applauding and recognising efforts ONLY if results are produced. Picking only the smart ones and always neglecting and putting down the weaker students.

I've had enough of this.

What happens to the education system when a school functions in this manner? When all the authority lies in the hands of those who are blind, and fail to see so many things. Lao Tse said that education and learning takes place through personal experience, and not by theory. Being in this school has taught us how to make everything sound good, and not put it into practice. Awards and results at the end of the day equate to efforts. Not quite a good equation, I should say. And I thought the big boss of it all excelled in math and economics?

Whoever said that Spore is free from corruption? Corruption need not take place involving only physical or monetary aspects. It takes place mentally as well. And that is why I smell a strong stench of rust, mould and what not everywhere in the school.

No doubt, I have to thank the authorities for giving me inspiration of what to think of everytime I dance our syf piece. Breaking out of conformities, huh?

One can only wonder why people say going through school gives students a taste of how society is like. I didn't say it applies to my school, did I?

The feeling of sian-ness!!!

Hello people I'm here to update again.

I know I am a super inconsistent blogger, but that's cos my mood is inconsistent as well...I think.

It doesn't help that I have a love-hate relationship with every weekend. I love it because I have at least one Saturday afternoon/night and Sunday afternoon to get abit more sleep. But I hate that even as I get that extra more few hours of sleep, I worry about alot of other things. Or maybe its only me that suffers from this? I hate the feeling of going to bed thinking "I should wake up at XXX time as I still have XXXXX amount of things to do". When can I sleep with no worries?

The only time I slept without knowing that time and work existed was probably last weekend when I had a high fever. But obviously it doesn't feel good when you're sick. Lol but I think the only benefit was that I had lots of sleep. At least you feel you're sleeping.

I am not exaggerating but there is simply NOTHING in my life that excites or spices things up at all. No shopping, no hanging out with friends, no LMAO sessions, I don't even read/watch shows about my favourite skin care anymore. If I have time, I'd wanna hit the bed. Or maybe idle around worrying about NOTHING.

Lol now I feel that this entry is probably of no meaning at all other than trying to put off doing csc essay a little longer. I have to stop feeling so empty. I don't wanna look back on my teenage years but have nothing to remember other than the feeling of emptiness. I'm 17 damn it and I should be having fun.

Then again, my personality won't allow me to have fun. Lol.

Last night's lost of control was super unlike me but oh well. There is a maximum amount of tolerance that anyone can feel.

NOW I HAVE THE URGE TO GO OUT AND BUY SOME FASHION MAGAZINE TO READ AND STRIKE OUT CSC ESSAY FROM MY LIST OF WORRIES. CAN I GET SOME GETAWAY DURING THE WEEKENDS FOR ONCE? PROPERLY?

Nothing but rants in this post. But I don't care. I'm so sian and even angry to some extent about how boring my life is. RAH!!